Step 5 "Admitted to.."

Step 5 "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

In step 4 we found the "stuff" that makes us who we are. In looking at all of this honestly, I found that I was not happy to admit to some of it to myself... never the less to someone else! In the OA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions I found these words, "In the process of sharing our inventory we have become more honest with ourselves and others than we have ever been before."(OA, p51)

Honesty... that isn't hard. At least that is what I thought. I have always felt that I was an honest person. As I have worked the steps, I have found that it is easy to be honest with others, but I don't do well admitting things to myself. I don't want to admit that I have a problem. I want to be perfect (course we know that will never happen... but I still want to do it!). In order for me to get better, I have to admit to myself who I really am and not just who I want to be. Oh how hard this is for me!!

The first part of this step says that I admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. Since I know that God is aware of my shortcomings anyways... it was hard to try to hide the truth from Him. How do you lie to someone who knows all? He made me and knows my life's journey. He has been with me every step of the journey... although I may have tried to leave Him behind a few times. He still knows me and loves me. He knows all so I can't hide the truth from Him.

Next was to admit to myself who I am. I don't like admitting failure! The good thing about this step is that I don't have to go through in detail about all my wrongs. I just need to understand why I did what I did and try to figure out what triggered that feeling or emotion. Was it for selfish motives, jealousy, etc.? In looking at myself, I will find growth as I see myself as I am.

Last, I need to share what I have learned with another human being. This can be a friend in the program, a counselor, religious leader, etc. just as long as you are comfortable sharing with them and they understand some about what we are doing. By admitting to another person my wrongs, I am claiming ownership of them. I am saying this is a part of me. I may not like admitting it, but in doing it I will receive hope. The one thing I found that I received from sharing this with someone else was acceptance. The person I shared with told me that she had been in similar circumstances and that life could get better. I didn't have to stay where I was, but I could get recovery! This gave me hope.

Step 5 was a real eye opener for me. It helped me to release those things I found within step 4 and realize that there was hope for the future. I have taken a step forward on the journey of life! Recovery comes... one day at a time!
Hugs...cd