Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Step 6 "Were entirely ready..."

Step 6 "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

This step is a step of willingness. I find that I have to be willing to do it before I can allow HP to take over and fix my defects of character. I also have to be willing to allow Him to do it in His timing and not mine!

For instance, one of my defects of character is people pleasing. I have a bad habit of trying to make everyone happy. When I can't seem to make them happy by what I do, I will go buy things for them. I did that for my alcoholic husband and reaped many results from it... some not good! For instance... I bought him a truck so he could go find a job. He wanted to work at carpentry, so he had to have a truck to get the materials for his jobs. We would work together. I would get his contracts ready for him and he would do the work. Well, maybe I should say... he sometimes did the work. Most of the time, his disease took over and he was not able to work. Then I would feel guilty about giving him the truck. I would take his keys away so he wouldn't drink and drive. Well, one day he did it anyways and killed a man. Talk about guilt. I don't know what kind of guilt he felt, but I felt responsible for the man's death. If I had never bought that truck... and so the story goes. It is like that with all things in my life. I am always looking back and saying "If only I had... " when I really should just accept things as they are and just learn from those mistakes.

I think that is what HP wants us to learn from this step. He wants us to know that the outcome is not always our doing. Yes, I bought the truck but I had no real control over when he would or wouldn't use it. I needed to turn that over to HP and allow Him to control that. Instead, I tried to fix it in my own way. I wanted to make my hubby happy and instead I became miserable. I find that when I try to fix anything, it always ends up a mess.

Step 6 reminds me that I am not in control. HP has control over my life, my decisions, my destiny. I am to be willing to accept whatever He brings my way today and leave the results with Him. Can I do it? Some days are better than others. I do find that I am willing most of the time, however, there are those days when I want to play god again. That is when I need to go back one more time to step 1 and turn it over again to Him!

Today I am willing to allow HP to take over and change those things within me that He thinks needs changed. He knows me better than I know myself. Am I willing to allow Him to do this? Today I am. How about you?

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