Thursday, March 16, 2006

Step 4 "Resentments"

Resentments is the "number one" offender. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or principles with whome we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up". (Taken from the Big Book, pages 64-65)

The last 4th step I did, I used this form to bring things out into the open. See this link for form:
The first thing I did was write down everyone in my immediate family. Then I asked myself if I was angry at them and if so, why? It amazed me to see that I was angry at just about everyone. There was always something they did or didn't do that pushed my buttons. Now that I knew I was angry, I needed to understand why. What was causing me to be this cranky old woman that I had become? I found out that most of it was due to my expectations of them. I would expect them to do or not do something and they wouldn't do it. I took it personally. They did what they did just to get even with me!!

One of the Big Book readings talks about expectations. The author says, "If I want serenity, I need to let go of my expectations"... ALL of them. That includes what I expect of myself as well. This has been hard for me because I have a lifetime of experience in telling others what to do.

For today, I will try to let my expectations go. I just live with anticipation and not expectation. I know God is going to help me today. How? That I don't know, but I live life looking for what He is going to do in my life next. He always surprises me.

Resentments today are few. They no longer run my life, HP does! He will bring only the best my way. I just have to trust Him. May you let go of your resentments today as you make your list. Trust Him to direct your path. He will "IF" you let Him!

1 comment:

Da Gal said...

Excellent post. I've heard that resentments are like drinking poison and hoping it kills the person you are mad at.

I think the funniest meeting I have ever been to was an Al-anon meeting and I think I was the only person in the group who understood the concept of not having expectations of anything/anyone. I just kept laughing out loud it was so absurd.

Anyway.. hope you are doing well.