Thursday, February 23, 2006

Step 3 Made a decision...

Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him"

I don't know why this was such a hard thing for me to do when I joined OA. I have always been making decisions. Now granted they have not always been good ones, but I did make them! So when I am asked to make a decision what is stopping me? Am I afraid of making the wrong decision? Am I afraid of giving up control of my life? What is the problem? So many questions and so few answers!!

I think this was a gradual thing for me. I had to do steps 1-3 every morning for months before I finally was able to say, "Yes... I have done it!" I think part of it was because I wanted to still control my life. I wanted to be the final authority. I thought I knew best what was good for me. When I realized what I was really saying... I was then able to let go of the control. I was saying to God that He wasn't so smart. I knew what was best for me. Well, where in the world did that come from? Look at the mess my life was in... and I knew best? I don't think so!!

The good thing about this step is that I just have to let the God of my understanding be in control. That gives each of us freedom to have our own God. Your God may not be called the same as mine, but that is ok. The important thing is that we are no longer controling the things in our life... God (our Higher Power) is! I may not understand your God, but that is ok. What matters is that you are aware that He has control and you don't. The final decisions are between you and HP. That makes it so much easier to understand and let go of things.

Right now I have just been diagnosed with Bell's Palsey. I have had to let this go and give it to my Higher Power. I have no control over what is going to happen. Only HP knows what is going to happen to me next. I just need to accept that this is one of the tools He is using to mold me into the person He wants me to be. When I do that, I can let go of the pain, fears and stress that comes with this. Today, I am in His hands! I pray that you are too!
Love n hugs... Cindy

1 comment:

Dodi said...

I've just read this last paragraph. I had to look up Bell's Palsey because I knew nothing about it. You seem to be handling it really well.

Hope you are recovering quickly.

Step 3 is a hard one for me. I have to practice it everyday. Sometimes all day long. It is so hard to hand over control, even if that control is just an illusion. I feel I took a baby step last week when I decided to pray for the willingness to be willing and also asked for help in the form of prayer from friends.