Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Working the Steps - Step 1

I am beginning to do the WTS loop online with my sponsorees. In order to make it easy for all of us, I have chosen to write out my responses to the questions here. If you would like to join the group, please go to this site and sign in: . On this site is the author also gives a great description of how to work the steps. If you want to see how it is done, please check it out!

Step 1 says: "We admitted we were powerless over food,that our lives had become unmanageable."

1. Why do I think that I am a food addict/compulsive eater? For me the answer to this is easy! I can't stop eating certain foods when I see them in front of me. I will fix a meal and then eat the left overs instead of putting them in the trash. I love food and lots of times food controls my actions... when I let it!

2. Do I think that my circumstances have anything to do with my being an addict/ compulsive eater? It wouldn't make any difference in my eating habits if I lived in another place or even if my financial status were different. I would still over eat. I may have more money and eat more, but the overeating wouldn't change. It still would control my thinking.

3. What do the terms cravings and obsession mean to me? Cravings are those times when my body says it needs something. Obesession is when I think of only one thing... FOOD. I used to think that when I had cravings for bananas or cheeses that it was because my body was telling me I needed that within my system. Now I see that sometimes I was just obsessing over the food... not really needing it. If I eat correctly, my body will not need to crave anything. I just have to watch my cravings... are they really obsessions?

4. What does reaching bottom mean to me? Reaching bottom to me means that things can only get better! For me, I had to realize that this is the ONLY way of life for me. I have to do this if I want to live. The only alternative is death, and I don't want that! So, I do this like my life depends upon it... because it does!

5. Do I have the power to choose not to binge or purge today? I have NO power over food or anything else. If it we left up to me, I would be eating right now! I definitely need help to get through this!

6. Do I think that I manage my life quite well, except for my food problem? My life is a total disaster when I am in charge! I can't do anything without God's help. I need Him in all areas of my life.

7. What is the meaning of prayer to me? Prayer to me is my time of sharing with my God throughout the day. I do it just about every moment of the day. Before OA, I would do it at meal times and occasionally at night, but now it is like breathing. I want God to know what I am doing and to be with me constantly. He is my friend and guide!

8. What does the term insanity mean to me? Someone once told me the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. I think that pretty much says it all!

9. What is my concept of God, and what part if any does God play in my life? God is in control of my life. He is my best friend, my counselor, the one I want to be like when I grow up! I want to always make Him proud of me.

10. Do I have troubles with my personal relationships? Yes. I think everyone has trouble in this area in one way or another. I either try to control the other person, or they try to control me. Either way, it never works! As a people-pleaser, I always want to make others happy. I find it really hard to meet their expectations. Today I am learning that the only one I need to make happy is myself and God. If He is happy, I am!

11. Is my emotional nature under control or do I have all kinds of mood swings? I don't normally have mood swings... at least, not like I used to! Today's moods kick in when I forget to start my day by giving it to God. If I am trying to do it alone, I fail!

12. Am I prey to misery and depression? I can get really depressed when I think of what needs to be done and how far I still have to go. If I stay focused on today and the moment I am living in, I am ok. The best thing i have found to do is give it to God and He will take care of it all! I don't have to worry anymore (unless I just want to!).

13. Am I spending more than I earn? Today... NO! But if I don't watch, I could do it really easy. I have to turn this over to God as well.

14. Do I have a feeling of uselessness? I get this feeling at times when I am at work because I start the "poor me" thinking.

15. Am I full of fears? What is my biggest fear? I don't fear as many things as I used to do. My biggest fear today is that of having another wreck in snow or ice. I just don't want to do that again!

16. Am I of real help to other people? I think so. I try to ask God each day to use me as He sees fit. I love to encourage others and I think that is where I help the most.

17. Do I have resentments towards some of my family and friends? Today - NO!

18. Am I selfish and self centered? I have always considered others more important than myself. Although today I am beginning to realize that sometimes I do things for others to get the benefits that come along with it. I guess I can be selfish if I am not careful!

19. Am I dishonest (stealing lying, etc…)? I used to think that I was the most honest person around. Today I see that I have been lying to myself for years. I am working on this today with God's help. He is helping me grow more in love with myself. That is why I have been so dishonest. I didn't feel worthy of the love!

20. Am I inconsiderate of others? I don't think I am on purpose. . . but I have done it. It is like I am in a fog and can't see how what I am doing effects someone else, till it is over with! I have turned this over to God as well!

That's it for the questions this time. I will continue this as the story unfolds. May your day be blessed to overflowing and may God keep you in the palm of His hands! Know that you are loved.

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