Tradition 12

Tradition 12: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all these Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

I went searching for a picture that would help me to relate the principle to this and this title just summed it up!! Anonymity is very hard to understand if you have never heard of it before. Often we do it without even thinking about it... but for me it was something I had to work on. You see, it was easier to put the blame on someone else than to say I did something wrong. I was always wrong and I didn't want them to have cause to believe it again. So... I would usually use someone else as a "scape goat",

Anonymity (according to Wikipedia) is derived from the Greek word ανωνυμία, meaning "without a name" or "namelessness". In colloquial use, the term typically refers to a person, and often means that the personal identity, or personally identifiable information of that person is not known. So, when we say that we choose to use it over principles and personalities, that means that what is said is more important than the person who said it.

Some people think that if they speak, that is what is the most important. Even if someone else is talking, they will interrupt or just talk after them discounting what the other person said. In OA, we need to support each other. We do this by sharing our experience strength and hope without making the other person think we are "gods". Truth is... there is only One God... our HP and He will be the one who makes the final decisions!

We need to use anonymity wherever we are. We can't go to another group and say that" so and so said this needed to be done this way not what you are saying." We just listen, use what we can use and learn from it. If the person has said something wrong, we use OA approved literature to base our statements... not another OA'er. That way we are all heard and not prejudice ever enters in. We are all the same!

I think this would be ideal to have at our homes. That would cause only one problem... I couldn't say "just wait till your father gets home!" anymore. LOL

Have a blessed day!!
Hugs...Cindy D in WV

Tradition 11

Tradition 11:
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and other public media of communication.

I have had the opportunity to deal with this lately. It is amazing how HP brings these traditions a reality in my life. This one hit home via our monthly church meeting. Let me explain.

Our Sunday School is mainly adults of ages 50 plus. We have very few little ones attending and their parents are all very busy in the sports and etc. that meet on Sunday's so they aren't attending either. Within our meeting, we were talking about what we could do to attract others to our church. Should we have a street fair? a contest of some sort? What would draw them in? Well, as I was thinking of this during the week after the meeting, this tradition hit me! It is attraction NOT promotion that draws people in! They come for the fun, but if you have nothing that keeps them coming back... they will leave as quickly as they came. So, how do we attract them? This was a question I had to really ponder.
Just as quickly as I asked... HP answered! It is called... LIVING THE LIFE!

Hmm!! That was an interesting thought. What I could do is just live like I love life. Like my life is totally centered on what HP wants and how He is changing my life. So, I have begun to do this. I am sharing how HP is meeting our needs, keeping me safe, showing me the path He wants me to follow. As I do this, others too will see that He is the answer to their problems!

When I think of how this works in OA... if I am sharing during the meetings how HP is answering my prayers and meditations, if He is giving me strength to lose and they are seeing it, if they can see I am growing both mentally, spiritually and physically... then they will be back! So often I would come to meeting just to dump my problems. Instead of encouraging others, I found myself being a discourager. So... I have changed this. I try to encourage others each week. Even when life SUCKS (at least I am thinking it is), HP helps me to find out that it is really a tool that He is using to make me grow! What a learning tool!!

So, the question is... are you an encourager or a discourager? Do others come to your meeting because you have given them a positive witness? I pray that you have and if you haven't that today you begin to change. It is only through the positives... that we are able to reach out and touch someone else!

Have an awesome day!!
Hugs...Cindy

Tradition 10 - No Opinion, You have got to be kidding!

Tradition 10: Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the OA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

The only person I know who can really express her opinions is none other than Maxine. I love some of her things... some are rather bad, but they do get right to the point! I hope that this cartoon will help you understand more about this tradition.

No opinion on outside issues... let me see, where do I begin? Have you ever been around someone who has an answer for everything whether they were right or not? That is what this tradition reminds me of. Opinions are good when we are trying to make a decision, but when we bring in opinions from others who are not part of our group, then we are walking on ice. For instance, I just had a dog who gave birth to 3 beautiful pups. The pups arrived without any problems for her or the pups. The next day, I had another dog who gave birth to 2 pups. One was born dead and one is having problems because I waited too long to take her to the vet. She had to have a C-section. What would have happened to her had I not called the vet but tried to help her push myself? Or what if I had called my best friend who knew nothing about pomeranian births? She and the pups would have all died! The point I am trying to make is that the vet knew what to do. He had been through this many, many times. However, a friend or someone without that expertise would have not helped me in my decision making at all.

What I am trying to say with this illustration, is that OA is unique. Only those of us who have been within these doors know what works for us and what doesn't. If we base our groups organization according to Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig, for example, then we have looked for help from others who have not been where we are. Their groups feel that we can lose by just doing the right things. We believe that our food problem is an addiction... they won't understand that. So, when we are trying to make a decision it is important that we stick with OA'ers. This also goes for us using our opinions in other areas. For instance, if I were to attend Weight Watchers, I cannot say to them that OA says.... This is wrong, because they are not OA!

My opinion is my opinion. Even here. I am not Mrs. OA. I am Cindy. I am sharing my thoughts not what OA says. As they say in our meetings... "take what you like and leave the rest". Hope this makes sense to you.

Stay blessed!
Cindy

Tradition 9

Tradition 9: OA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

I was thinking about this tradition this morning. The tradition says we ought never be organized. Hmm.... well, I'm in the right place! LOL I haven't been organized for a long time. When I look back, I think the reason is because I was so unorganized within. I was too busy taking care of everyone else's problems that I let myself go. (Sound familiar?) I wanted to solve the worlds problems. Then I began to look around my house and where I worked. Everywhere I was there was disorganization. I am not sure who said it, but I read somewhere that how we feel within shows on the outside without us realizing it. I was a mess within and so was my home! Today I find myself wanting to do better as far as organization goes. I want a clean house. However, I still haven't arrived there... YET!

What does all that have to do with Tradition 9? Think about it. When you entered the doors of OA, were you organized? Did you have it all together? I sure didn't! I was a big fat mess. There is no way anyone would have listened to me. At least that is what I thought. Truth is, I was listened to, encouraged, and told to keep coming back. My thought is that OA doesn't have to be organized as far as the newcomer coming and sharings within the group. However, any meeting needs some organization, a leader, to keep us all on track. If we didn't have someone there to do that, then we would get off on a tangent and try to solve their problems too. That isn't why we are here! We are here to share who we are, what happened, and how we became who we are today. Without some organization in the groups, our meetings probably won't grow. We need to come ready to share, to lead if needed, or just to participate however we can. As we work together... we grow.

Like Rosanne said "l put my hand in yours, and TOGETHER we can do what we could never do alone...."

May your day be blessed with many blessings from HP.

Hugs...Cindy

PS. Check out OA's new website! It is awesome. They have updated it and added lots of new features. The address is still the same... www.oa.org

Tradition 8 : Remaining Non-Professional

Tradition 8: Overeaters Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

When I saw this picture I thought how nice it would be if I could go to the doctor and him say something like this cartoon states. That would be a real switch! Normally they tell me I am too fat and need to lose weight. Just once I would love to have a doctor that didn't put the blame on food. If he did say that, he wouldn't be much of a doctor... would he? We don't pay doctors to just make us happy. We go to them so that they might heal our problems... or find some solution to ease it.

Within OA, if we went to a meeting and Mrs. OA was there (the one who knows all!), we wouldn't return to another meeting. We wouldn't feel at ease telling how we feel or what is bothering us. In OA, we come to meetings as equals. None of us are pros' at this. We have all tried and failed (at least once!). When we share our thoughts, we share what we have learned from others in the program and through our own personal experience. This is what happened, what I did, and how I am now. If that helps you... great! The reason I go to meetings is for me. Without meeting with other OA members, I am tempted to think I have recovered and can eat like a "normal" person.

However, OA service centers are different that meetings. That is the business end of OA. Would you want someone in charge of the business that had no business experience? I wouldn't. I would want someone in charge who is business savy, someone who can keep the business growing so I can keep coming back to my meetings! This is important to me, and hopefully to other OA members. We need each other and also others with expertise in the business end of the organization. We all have a place, somewhere we can be used to the max. It is up to us to find out where that is and just do it!

Tradition 7 - Fully Self-supporting

Tradition 7: Every OA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

As I thought about this tradition, I feel like it is similar to Tradition 6. Both of them are saying that it is important to stay in connection with your Higher Power and follow His lead. They both say that we are not to depend upon someone else, because if we do there my be problems which will hinder our primary purpose.

Here we find that self-supporting is VERY important. I have to agree. In my life when I have depended upon others for assistance, they usually want you to agree to do something in exchange for the help, or they have this running list of "what I have done for you". The list is to be sure that we always "owe" them. When I saw this picture, I was reminded of the one thing that I need to always remember. The upper hand is God's reaching down to me. If I keep that connection with Him, He will always help me. I won't need someone else's help because He will make a way! What an awesome God we have!

Tradition Six

Tradition Six: An OA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the OA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

This tradition has always been one that I definitely understood. I have always had trouble with finances... at least, it seems like it has been that way! One of the things I would do is ask my mom for help and she would give it to me. Later that week or month, I would hear from her and she would say that I needed to do something for her. Now, I am not complaining about doing stuff, but when you get money from others... there are strings attached. Sometimes those strings are not the ones we want to have around our necks!

In OA we must always remember our primary purpose... to carry the message to other compulsive overeaters. That is what should always be in the back of our minds when doing anything. For instance, when I share here with you I am carrying the message. But... what if I fail? Am I letting others know that OA works or that it is a failure too? My goal for this blog is to carry the message and to let you know that it works... IF WE WORK IT! Any failure in my program is because of ME not OA! I have to always be sure that you and my other readers understand that. I could also tell you that OA is affiliated with our church, but what if my church doesn't agree with the OA message. Am I still carrying the message? NOPE! So, what difference does it matter about the church I go to or don't go to? All that matters is that I am sharing with you the OA message. There is hope for overeaters! We can recover if we work our program. We are here to support each other.

So, that is my thoughts on Tradition 6. I hope I have made my point clear. Any comments or concerns are welcome. I enjoy hearing others thoughts. May HP give you a blessed day today.

Hugs... Cindy D in WV

Tradition Five: Our Primary Purpose

Tradition Five:
Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the compulsive overeater who still suffers.



When I first came to OA, I thought that the primary purpose was to save the world of overeating! If I didn't get one person healed, then I was a failure. Well, today I am reminded of a really hard lesson I had to learn.

I AM NOT GOD!!

I had just got my first chance at being a sponsor and the person I was sharing with just seemed to not grasp anything I shared. It was like I was fighting a losing battle (no pun intended!) Well, when I talked with my sponsor, she reminded me of Who was in charge. Guess what? It wasn't me!! It was God (or HP as others call Him). When I let go of the results, I found that it didn't upset me how she did or didn't accept what I was offering. I was giving what I had and it was between her and her HP to grow from it.


This tradition says that our primary purpose is NOT to have everyone experience OA as we do. It says that we are to carry the message... PERIOD. The results are up to HP and the person He is talking with. That helps me to realize that I don't have to worry about the results of what I say. God will take what I have given out and use it to bring others to Him. It may not be in "my time" but it will happen!


Using this same tradition at home... I found that if my primary purpose was something that everyone else was not in agreement with it, we never accomplished it. For instance, my husband may want a new car but all I can see is those bills mounting up. We do not have the same goals in mind. How do we have a home of peace? We have to talk and agree upon a primary purpose. Most of the time, that takes talking and sharing how I feel inside. If I dont'' share, he will never know what is bothering me or why I just don't want that new car. But if I share about the bills and how they call me constantly about things not being paid, then he may understand why all I want is to get less debt. BUT I have to talk with him about it before we can agree.


This is also similar in church, work, etc. Wherever I go, I must find out what the primary purpose is of the group. Do I want to do that? If not, why? I need to share my thoughts with others and find a way to agree on something. Our purpose must be known and everyone in agreement with it. Only then can we grow as a group.


How is your group doing? Do you have a primary purpose or are there many purposes? Remember in OA our primary purpose is to tell the message to others. The results?? That is HP's business!


Hugs...Cindy

Tradition 4: Each group should be...

Tradition 4: "Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or OA as a whole. "

We again look at the group for this tradition. In this one it is important to remember that we are united as a group, however, if a decision we make affects another group then we must consult them as well in the decision process. For instance, if our OA group decides that we are going to close each meeting with the "Lord's Prayer" it will affect only us. If we go to another group and try to impose our decision on it, that is affecting them. They have the choice to join us or to do their own closing. The point I am getting at is this, we can make decisions within our individual groups. However, if we choose to use things that are not approved by OA as a whole, we must consider the result it will have on everyone. Some may be offended, others may not care. The main this is that we all have a voice in the process.

Let's look at this from a "home front" view. Growing up I was always taught that parents were to treat each child as an individual, however, when christmas came, each person was to get the same money amount for their toys. My hubby was taught differently and thus he taught his children that way. When we became a family, they were quite suprised when I would have the same amount for each persons gift. They expected to get better than the other one because they had been good. Well, truth is... it didn't matter to me. I gave what I could and each person got equal amounts. Today they appreciate that, but it was a hard thing for them to understand when we married. Now I find his kids even doing the same thing with their children. (Amazing isn't it!)

So, how can you apply this to your groups? Do you try to stay united or is there division? One thing is for sure... a united group works best!

Have a blessed week. See ya next time!
Cindy

Tradition 3: The only requirement...

Tradition 3: The only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.












When I first came to OA, I found it difficult to identify what abstinence is. I found that every person has a different definition of it. However, this tradition tells us exactly why we need to be in OA... we are compulsive eaters! I saw this cartoon and immediately identified with the lady who was binging. I have done that! For me, coming to OA helps me to change my addictive thinking. I am learning how to deal with life without overeating. In the past, how I would deal with stress would be to get a big bowl of ice cream, or any kind of sweet, and just eat the whole thing. I didn't want to think of what was going on or I would just eat so I couldn't fix the problem. I was too busy to do anything about the problem if I was eating! Today I see that the problems never went away. Usually they escalated. Things just got worse because I didn't do anything about them. Sometimes I still can't do anything to change things, but I do let others know that I can't fix it. At least I am now letting them know where I am instead of making them guess. In most cases, that makes a HUGE difference on what they think of you.

So, am I a candidate for OA? You bet I am! I am a compulsive overeater. I know today that I can't fix anything without my HP's help. How about you... are you an overeater too? If so, find OA in your area and reach out to others. We need each other in order to grow in our recovery.

Have a blessed day!

Till next time...
Hugs to you from Cindy D in WV

Tradition Two "For our group purpose..."

Tradition 2: "For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern."

This tradition is VERY important when it comes to all types of groups that we are in. For instance, our group at home, at work and at our OA meetings. So, tell me... who is in charge? Any ideas?

As I read this tradition I am reminded that there is only ONE authority and I am not it! So who is that One in charge? Within our groups, it is important that each of our voices are heard. We all need to share our feelings. To sit back and just listen and accept what others say as truth is not sharing our right to speak our peace. For instance, how would you feel if your family decided that the family would be going to Florida for the winter months and you hated it down there? You have a right to share how you feel. If you don't like Florida, tell them why. Let them know why you feel as you do. Sometimes people assume that they are doing what we want, when in reality it is far from true. We need to speak up!

As an OA member, I have a part in the decision making process, but I don't always have to be right. Let me ask you this, have you ever been to an Intergroup meeting where everyone was stating their feelings and there was one person who tried to convince everyone else that they were wrong? As I worked with this tradition, I was reminded that we are ALL sick. We have a disease that makes us do things that are not always best for us. I had to remember that I didn't always have to be right. Someone else may have a better idea than mine. If I am always on the defense, I may not gain the benefits from listening to others. It is important to have every voice heard.

As we grow up in age and in wisdom, we become more stable with our ideas and able to listen long enough to understand those around us. We need to take in the wisdom others have. They may have a better solution to our problem. So for today, I turn my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. I ask Him for wisdom to listen carefully to others that I might not do something I will regret later.

I hope that this has helped you. If you would like to share about your feelings on this tradition, please do! I look forward to learning from you!
Hugs...Cindy D in WV

Tradition One "Our common welfare..."

"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon OA unity."


When I think of Tradition One, I think of Unity. Not just unity in our OA groups, but also in our homes, our work, our friendships, and in all areas of life. My first sponsor had me go through the steps and traditions and apply them to my life. That was hard for me because I had not seen much unity in my life. I came from an alcoholic home and the only unity we had was chaotic. I didn't know what unity at home meant. I did feel unity and happiness when I went to my grandparents house. They loved my brother and I with an unconditional love. We were just allowed to be kids. At home, we were the parents. We were supposed to keep house, do the cooking, and anything else that needed done. So... unity was an unknown thing to me.

Let me start with our groups. What is our common welfare? For me, I feel our common welfare is to carry the message to other compulsive overeaters. What if your idea is different? Do we have unity? If you have been in any sort of group, you know what it is like to be either a part of it, or the person who has been "left out in the cold". I find that a good group is one that everyone is on the same playing field. We each have the groups goals as our desires. We want what is best for everyone and not just for the "chosen few". In any of the 12 step groups, I am finding that unity is sometimes hard to find because I am so self-centered, wanting my own way. (Sound like you?) It is difficult to not want what I want. We have just started an intergroup here in our area and it is so difficult to find unity within the group. There are those who want things their way, those who are low in self-esteem who won't speak up, and then those who just don't want to commit to anything. How do we find unity within this group? It is taking some effort. We have to do it at each meeting, asking our HP to lead and direct our steps so that He has control of the meeting and not us. Only when He is in charge, can we find unity.

OK, now lets go to the home front! The common welfare of my family (in my opinion) is to have a loving and caring home. What if the others within my family don't have the same idea? Now, take a quick look at your home situation. What is your common welfare? Does everyone feel the same way? Are you a united group? Is there any one person who MUST have their way or they aren't happy? Are you that person? Lots of questions, but if we really look within our self, we will see that most of the time the answers lie within us.

My home growing up was one where whatever Mom or Dad said was to be done without question. If we didn't complete the task, there were consequences. So, our common welfare in my eyes was to make Mom and Dad happy. I grew up thinking that the man of the house was always right, so when I married it was difficult when I was given a chance to speak up. My first husband didn't want the responsibility of being "in charge". I was to do just about everything. We divorced and about 7 years later I remarried, but this time to an alcoholic. We didn't stay married long because I found myself "walking on egg shells" most of the time. If you have ever been there, you know what I am talking about. I never felt like I did anything right. That was my first encounter with the 12 steps. As I began to take my stand and try to get unity in our home, I found that we just weren't made for each other.

Today I am on my 3rd marriage. This marriage is different. My husband and I try to work together to make our home a loving place for our family. My husband allows me to have an opinion and we share the chores around the house. He expects me to speak my mind, and I do him too! I must say that there are times when we disagree, but at least we know what the other person is thinking and often we work it out.

The last place we will discuss is at work. What is our common welfare? To me, it is to get the job accomplished in a timely manner. I find that a job is more enjoyable when you work together as a team. I have been in jobs where there is a supervisor who delegates and demands you do certain things and if not done, punishes you. Then I have been in jobs where teamwork is done and everyone works together to get the jobs done. If something comes up and you have a problem, you can always count on someone else to pitch in and help. That is the place I like to work. How about you?

Now is your turn. Tell me what you think about this Tradition. Is it important to you: at home, at work, within your group?

Hugs till next time! Cindy