One of the things I find myself doing is seeing how far I have to go instead of how far I have come. When I think of how much more I need to grow, I get so depressed! Will it ever happen? Why do others get it so easily and some of us have to just keep trudging along? Well, today someone said something in one of the loops that got me thinking. I have come so far since I started working the steps. For instance, I now have a better relationship with my Higher Power whom I choose to call God. I like myself today. I have learned not to judge others but to love them where they are.
The biggest change in my life thanks to the 12-steps is my relationship with my mom. I really felt that Mom liked my brother better than me and that there was NO WAY she would ever like me. Well, things happened as they often do, but this time God made a change in me. I saw on her table a balloon in a flower pot that said "Gee Mom, I knew you liked me best!" Well, when I saw it I got really resentful and really stuffed the feeling. Eventually I shared it with her. I guess it was about a month or so before I talked to her about it. Come to find out, it was my step-brother who had sent the balloon instead of my brother. He needed to do it for her approval. After we talked about it, we began to get closer. Now I spend quality time with her and we are closer than we have ever been. I even value her opinions today.
Another thing that has changed since coming to OA is that I have begun to lose weight without trying. My sponsor told me that if I would just trust in my HP that He would make it happen. At first I wondered about that, but I knew that she had what I wanted so I tried acting in faith. Well, I can tell you today... it is working! I have lost 33 pounds with God's help! He is faithful to deliver what He has promised. We just have to trust in Him and let Him control our lives.
As the slogan says, I now want to look at my progress. I know I will never be perfect. There is no one perfect, not even my sponsor! I have to trust my Higher Power to deliver what I need for today and know that He is perfect! He will give me what is best for me because He loves me, I am His child! And... we all know that we give good things to our children.
May you take time today to stop and think of how far you have come in the program, instead of how far you have to go! Just hang on. The journey is long, but we can do it... Together!
God bless you today... Cindy