Just for Today in OA

Time flys when you're having fun!

2011-04-02T08:17:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that it is April already! Where has the year gone? I have not kept up with my blog and I apologize for that. I will try to do better the next few months.

I have been working on getting things together to go to my first Spring Assembly and I am so excited! (and a bit scared too) I have an 8 hour drive to get there and I don't do too well at driving long distances... so keep me in your prayers next weekend. I am excited because I will be meeting new friends and rooming with someone I have only chatted with online. I am really looking forward to meeting her and hearing her story. It's so nice to get another persons perspective on life and how they work OA. Maybe I will learn something new!

I am not real good with the concepts (as you can see from my blog,,, they were never finished) so I am looking forward to the Assembly and seeing concepts in action. I know that business meetings can be boring (what business meeting can't be!) so I am looking forward to this one. Our chair seems to be someone who is outgoing so maybe this one will be interesting. Time will tell!!

As for my program, I am at a status quo. Still abstinent, but not going anywhere. I think I need to start looking at what I am not doing and get with it. When I first joined I made sure I did everything. I ready, I wrote my food down, called my sponsor and others, etc. Now I have become lazy. I need to get back with what is important. How about you? Are you working your program or is it just sitting there looking at you? Let's get back to it together. Remember.... Together we get BETTER!

Hugs,

Cindy

Big Book Thoughts

2011-02-19T12:11:00.003-05:00

I was doing some studying this week and came across this in my AA Big Book:

"Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is the fellowship in OA (substituted). There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the the fellowship, and so will you." (page 152)

As I sat here thinking about this I wondered if I really measured up to all this. I pray that I do, but sometimes I wonder if I just go to my meetings to vent my problems to those who will listen. I don't really think about them and how many times they have heard the same old story. They probably get tired of hearing about it. Maybe that is why we have fewer people in the meeting. If I start listening and encouraging others, maybe they would come back and know that I want to help instead of just whine. As someone once told me.... save the whining for the sponsors

So today is a new day. I am going to start being an encourager in our meetings and online. I choose to be someone that others can lean on. Hopefully our meetings will now once more be able to fulfill the paragraph from the Big Book... a substitute for overeating. Maybe we can be a fellowship of people who care about one another. May it be so in my life.

Wanna join me??
Cindy

Remembering Uncle Bob

2011-01-25T10:09:00.004-05:00

This is a sad day for me. I wanted to share it with you because I know that if I share my feelings, I will not overeat! Last night my cousin called and said that her daddy had died. That is my Uncle Bob. He was a real special guy to all of us. I think he must have had some "peace making" skills given to him from his HP because he always knew the right words to say. Even when life was in chaos and I was in turmoil, he could say something to remind me where my strength needed to come from.

Today I think of him and his family. I pray that they can find the peace that only our HP can give to us. As you go through this day, think of those you love. Are there those who are special to you that you haven't said anything to lately? Remember, our time on this earth is short. They may be gone soon... so tell them that you care while you still can!

Uncle Bob... I will miss you. Aunt Betty, stay strong. We need you now more than ever and love you too! Our prayers are with you. Love.... Cindy

Remembering Martin Luther... I have a dream!

2011-01-18T03:59:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking about those goals that I wrote down last time and how I am doing. As usual, I am not doing it perfectly. Sound familiar? It seems that I have this problem, if I can't do it perfectly... I am ready to quit. Well, not this time! This year I am going to keep on doing the best I can and hopefully I will reach those dream goals that I have.

Today we think of Martin Luther and his famous quote "I have a dream". Each of us have a dream if we were honest enough to say so. Our dream can be just to get through this week abstinent, or maybe just to not do something this week that we have done as a habit. For instance, I have a bad habit of saying "SHIT" without thinking about it. The last few months I have been trying to just to make it through the day without saying it. I now find that it is almost never happening. Thanks HP!! How about you? Do you have a habit that needs changed? Let's work on it today and make it our dream. We can do this together. With HP's help, we cannot fail!

Have an awesome week! Cindy

2011-01-02T10:35:00.006-05:00

Happy New Year!

Well, it is now 2011. I never dreamed I would be around for this year to arrive. I figured I would have been transfered to heavenly places by now... but guess HP has other plans. 2010 was a good year. I found where I was needed as far as the jub is concerned. I am working at the Kroger fuel center and I love it! There are lots of older people who just want to talk and need someone to listen and I seem to have lots of time for that lately.This last month or two there have been more younger people, so maybe they will begin to share soon. I am learning that they have to gain your trust before the sharing starts.

My food is going well. I have lost down to 268 so far! That has just been by asking HP to help me with my food plan and eating during meal times only. If I do have to have a night snack, I try to make it fat free and low in calorie. This past year I found out that I was diabetic, so that has really helped me to get serious about my food. I found that I wasn't really watching things, I was just trying to please others. That is one of my defects of character. Now is the time to get serious and take care of me. As I told someone yesterday, Only I am going to take care of me. Others really don't care if the truth were told. They have their own set of problems to deal with.

Ok. So, 2011... my plans are these:Work the step, Go to meetings. Write daily in my journal and weekly here, and Ask for HP's guidance in All things!

Other things I would like to accomplish is to read the Bible through and compare it with the AABB. I know there is much to be learned in those pages and I need to findish what I started last year. So we will see how it goes. The last thing is to keep in touch with my sponsor and sponsees on a weekly basis. We can do this if we do it together. As they say...

Together we get better! Happy New Year!! Cindy

Concept 5 "Individuals have the right..."

2010-09-17T09:52:00.002-04:00

Concept 5 gives the minority opinion the right to have their voices heard. For example, at an area assembly or an intergroup meeting, where a motion is passed, usually the chairperson will ask if there is anyone with a difference of opinion or if anyone disagrees with what has been said. The voter, or person who has the minority opinion has the right to give their opinion as to what they believe is true and why. Once they have stated their case the chairperson will ask if this has changed anyones vote. If so, another vote will be taken. There have been times when the minority has won over the majority just because they have spoken up and voiced their opinion.

There is also a right of appeal in which the persons vote can be reviewed and discussed at the next meeting. There the vote may be changed as well. It is always important for us to say what is on our minds. That helps keep our side of the path clean and free of any problems.

So... how is your mind today? Lots of clutter or is it clutter free? Remember to share your feelings. We cannot read your mind!

Hugs.... Cindy

Concept 4: "The right of participation..."

2010-09-15T22:44:00.002-04:00

This concept means to me that it is important for those involved within the OA meeting (be it a board meeting, assembly, etc.)be involved in the decisions made. It is hard to be a part of something when someone else makes the decisions for you. For instance, at home I am usually the one delegated to make the ultimate decision as to what is for supper. I could always have my favorites, but then others wouldn't be real happy with me. I don't care for spicy foods and my hubby and son lofe them.

So, if I were to go with just my desires, there would never be any spicy foods. However, since I know that they both love spice foods, I sometimes attempt to buy of get from a special store the foods that they love. This I do mainly because I love and respect both of them... but it could also be because I consider them an equal.
For this concept, if I were to go to a meeting and say, "Everyone, we are going to do this my way and you will have to deal with it or get out," I probably would would see a few empty chairs real quick! I have to remember that we are all equals... we each have the same problem. God didn't make me any more special than He did you! None of us are God's junky leftovers. He made us each in a very special loving way. So... today I need to remember Who's child I am!
God is in control!

Till next time.... Hugs. CD

Concept 3 " The right of decision..."

2010-05-02T07:40:00.003-04:00

"The right of decision based on trust makes effective leadership possible."

How many of us trusted anyone when we came into our first OA meeting? I know I didn't trust many people, and those that I did, I had a close eye on watching to be sure that they didn't stab me again in the back. It seemed like I could never trust anyone again. Now, here in concept 3 we are asked to trust... or another good word for it could be to have faith in (Sound familiar??). We are asked to let go of the control reigns and let HP and the person we have delegated to do the job, do it. No longer are we to step in and oversee.

In our OA meetings as well as the business end of OA, we are asked to choose someone to lead and make decisions for our groups at World Service Office (WSO). We have looked at their qualifications and feel that they can do the job well. Once we have given them the job, we must trust them to do it with our full trust. I am reminded of times that various family members would give me jobs to do then stand over top of me while I did them, telling me every second how I was doing it wrong. There was NO trust in that. We MUST trust those we have given leadership positions. A good leader has to possess that. Don't discourage your leader... build them up! Till next time... cd

Concept 2 "The OA groups have delegated..."

2010-04-16T19:36:00.002-04:00

Concept 2 "The OA groups have delegated to the World Service Business Conference (WSBC) the active maintenance of our world services; thus, the World Service Business Conference is the voice, authority and effective conscience of OA as a whole.

When I first got involved in 12 step groups, I shared with my sponsor how the concepts always seemed like Greek to me... I just didn't seem to understand what it was all about. She shared with me that the steps were for me, the traditions were for the family or the group and the concepts wer for the business end of the family or group. Once I put that into my head, things made more sense to me. So, today I will attempt to share with you what concept 2 says to me today.

Think back to your last group conscience meeting.... how did it go? Did everyone voice their opinion? How long were you there? When we thing of the WSBC, we should think of millions of people gathering together to share their opinion on how OA should be run as a business. In reality, there are not millions of people at the WSBC, but their voices are there. They have elected Trustees who carry their thoughts to the conference. There, they express what others have said to them. Imagine if we were all there. It would take a huge place for us all to stay, plus ti would probably take weeks for us to get just one item passed on the agenda. Do you have a year to site and discuss things? I don't. That is why we elect Trustees. They carry our voices to WSBC and share what we have agreed on within our groups. It is here at the WSBC that major OA decisions are made and carried out for our good.

Let's take a look at our families. As our children grow up, we don't ask them what they want to eat on a daily basis. We plan meals for the family based upone knowledge we have learned from doctors, magazines, our parents, and others. If the child doesn't like it, then we have options. We can choose to fix something else or let the child go hungry. I remember growing up we had to eat what was in front of us and like it. My parents knew better than I and I wasn't to question their authority. If they had asked each of us what we wanted, we would have had a dozen different types of foods at one meal. I think that is where it is important for someone to be in the leadership role. As parents, we do the best we can with the knowledge we have and pray that HP will take care of the rest. In OA, we give those Trustees who have had time and learning in the OA program our trust and ask that they carry our message to WSBC. Once there, they make the best choice with the information that they have. They are our Trusted Servants. Thanks Trustees!!

Concept 1 "Ultimate responsibility and authority..."

2010-03-05T14:18:00.001-05:00

"The ultimate responsibility and authority for OA world service resides in the collective conscience of the whole Fellowship.”

Have you ever been given the responsibility to do something without being given the authority to go buy the items you needed to accomplish the task? I have. It isn’t easy to take on a job and not have the authority to fulfill it. OA has a business side that needs run on a daily basis. During that day, many decisions have to be made… sometimes within a moment’s notice. For instance, what do they put in the Lifeline and what do they reject? If they were to stop and ask all OA’ers the answer to that before doing the Lifeline… we would never have one! OA has a way of listening to all of their members voices. It is found by listening to the group representatives at Intergroup meetings, by listening to Trustee’s when they go to the World Business Conference Meeting annually, and by many other ways I am not even aware of. Aren’t you glad that they are listening to us? I am!

Hope... Where do you get it?

2010-01-12T01:49:00.004-05:00

The last few days I have been working on the newsletter for the month of February and the principle for step 2 is Hope. As I have thought about it, I have asked myself where I found hope in step 2. Was it in the step itself or was it in the people I found within the group? It has surprised me to find that many times my hope has come, not from knowing my HP has already been in the tomorrows, but because you have been where I am today and have grown from it. I suppose as humans we tend to look to each other for answers more than we try to look to our Higher Power. Maybe that is why HP is usually the last person we call on when we are in trouble. We want to fix it ourselves!

Today I am going to choose to remember that HP is still in charge. He has walked this path also and knows what lies ahead for me. I can have HOPE in Him!
Where is your Hope today??

Thought of the day...

2009-09-15T17:31:00.000-04:00

We can't become what we need by remaining what we are.- Max Dupree

To Life!!

2009-08-18T13:23:00.003-04:00

I saw this picture online and just had to have it. So many times I find myself wanting to share things with someone. Just our little secret. Then I soon find that what I just wanted to share with them, everyone knows about. It just isn't fair! Then I remember that I too probably am guilty of doing the same thing. I wonder why we expect others to do those things we cannot do. Is it just a normal thing to do that?

Well, today is a new day. I have to work till late this evening. I am really liking my new job here at Krogers. I wish that I could work more hours, but my legs tend to swell just with the 4-5 hrs. I do work. Maybe there is something else HP wants me to do. Time will tell!

Lately I have really been interested in the Jewish way of life. I have some Jewish friends and they are very helpful when I have a Bible question. I love learning about their traditions and etc. Yesterday I went to the library and got a book called "To Life". I have really enjoyed it. This book has really opened my eyes and started me to thinking again about life in general. Funny how just a book can make you start thinking about your beliefs and how everything works together for our good.

Just to give you an idea of what I am starting to think...

What would have happened if God had used another culture instead of the Jews to raise our Saviour?
Were Jews always around, when did they come into being?
Were Adam and Eve Jewish?

I hope to some day find the answers to these questions and probably many more. I love it when I have to search for answers. It lets me know that I am living as God wants me to live. I love the way the author describes Christians vs. Jews. He says that Jews are a community of people who love each other.... something like family. Christians however, are a group of people with the same belief who try to become a community yet find it impossible sometimes to do it. I totally understand where he was going with it. He says that if Jews disagree, they don't just change churches. They talk it out and learn where the other person is coming from. Christians seem to just go change churches or start a new one that will be like they think it should be. I found this to be true. WOW... I am learning so much!! Thanks HP!

As for my food, I think all this learning helps me to understand who I am in Christ and how He wants me to live life. If I live as if I am His temple, I will try to keep the insides clean and neat. However, if I live my life according to Cindy... it is usually a mess. I have chaos and nothing seems to work out. Knowing His will is amazing. I am trusting today that He will provide me with the foods I need to stay abstinent. I know He wants what is best for me... so I am trusting. As the saying goes.... You can't trust and worry at the same time!

So today... Trust and To Life are the words for the day!

Hugs.... Cindy

Monday's Thoughts

2009-07-27T15:46:00.005-04:00

I don't know the key to success,

but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Bill Cosby, comedian

I think this is the perfect sentence for today. Thank you Bill!

Today has been a bit stressful. I get to go back to work this evening. Most of today I have kept my feet up hoping the swelling would go away... but it hasn't. They are really swollen and it is even hard to get my shoes on right now. The problem?? I have lymphodema which also causes cellulitus in my feet. The last time I had it I had to go to the hospital for 4 days just to get the redness, infection and swelling down. That has made me a bit careful about my legs. I tend to watch them more now than I ever did before. The dr. wanted me to have support hose but the insurance is giving us problems. Hopefully that will be settled soon so I can get them.

Other than that, life is about normal. My hubby is out working in the hot sun (he's not supposed to be doing that!) and has just about drove us all crazy. I keep hoping he will wake up and realize that this is something that could kill him. BUT it is not MY problem. I have to turn it over to HP and let Him take care of it. So... enough about that!

This last week I had 3 yard sales and made $4.00. I was going to try it again today, but I just don't think it will do any good till the 1st of the month. So, we will hang in there and just enjoy the beautiful sunshine.

Need to run. Almost time for work. Have a blessed evening! Cindy

Progress...Not Perfection

2009-07-26T16:45:00.002-04:00

Hello there! It is Sunday here in WV and thought I would check in and say hello. Life has been rather good today. Went to church this morning and had a great time in our Sunday school class. I teach the young adults and we talked about getting wisdom. I really enjoyed hearing how they feel they can achieve wisdom and what the scriptures say about it. Of course, I had to use the Serenity Prayer with it because that is what I use the most. I find that if I ask HP for help (HP=God), then I will do the right things. He will always give me the wisdom I need IF I wait on Him to answer. My problem is doing the waiting. I HATE to wait!!! So, working the steps has helped me gain patience in waiting.

Someone told me that you can't trust God and worry at the same time. I truly believe that! When I find myself wanting to rush ahead or worrying about what might happen, etc. I use that saying to put me back on track. I need to always TRUST and not Worry.

So, for today... I am resting in His love, studying more on my step 4, and eating healthy foods. As I do the footwork, I pray for healing to come. Have a great Sunday and keep doing HP's will.

See ya soon! Cindy

Thoughts...

2009-07-25T09:24:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile since I have been on here. I was waiting on someone to suggest something to do next. I didn't get any ideas.... so guess I will just share from my heart right now. Maybe doing this will help someone else.

I have been having a rough time with my thinking lately. We have moved into my mom's house and I hear her talking about what I should and shouldn't be doing. This is a bit strange since she died last year. I never thought she would continue to tell me what to do even after we are apart.

We have been doing yard sales to get rid of some stuff. The first day was good, the second day I sold $4. Then yesterday was a total loss. No noe bougth anything. Talk about being disappointed! I am supposed to do another one today... but right now my heart isn't in it! So guess I will get busy and do something! I know it won't get done without me. LOL (Does that sound familiar to you?)

Well, time to go. Have a blessed day. I will see you online again soon. Stay in His will.

Hugs.... Cindy

What's next??

2009-04-06T18:14:00.003-04:00

Where do I go from here?? I finally got through the traditions so now I am free to start something else. Today I have been debating what to go with. Should I work on just doing thoughts of encouragement? Should I share about the tools of the program? The principles? The musts? Where do I go from here?

So I ask you... what would you like for me to do? I will take today to pray to HP about it and to wait on your responses. Let me know what you would like. Maybe I haven't even talked about it yet...... Please share!!

Hugs...Cindyd

Tradition 12

2009-04-03T22:16:00.002-04:00

Tradition 12: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all these Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

I went searching for a picture that would help me to relate the principle to this and this title just summed it up!! Anonymity is very hard to understand if you have never heard of it before. Often we do it without even thinking about it... but for me it was something I had to work on. You see, it was easier to put the blame on someone else than to say I did something wrong. I was always wrong and I didn't want them to have cause to believe it again. So... I would usually use someone else as a "scape goat",

Anonymity (according to Wikipedia) is derived from the Greek word ανωνυμία, meaning "without a name" or "namelessness". In colloquial use, the term typically refers to a person, and often means that the personal identity, or personally identifiable information of that person is not known. So, when we say that we choose to use it over principles and personalities, that means that what is said is more important than the person who said it.

Some people think that if they speak, that is what is the most important. Even if someone else is talking, they will interrupt or just talk after them discounting what the other person said. In OA, we need to support each other. We do this by sharing our experience strength and hope without making the other person think we are "gods". Truth is... there is only One God... our HP and He will be the one who makes the final decisions!

We need to use anonymity wherever we are. We can't go to another group and say that" so and so said this needed to be done this way not what you are saying." We just listen, use what we can use and learn from it. If the person has said something wrong, we use OA approved literature to base our statements... not another OA'er. That way we are all heard and not prejudice ever enters in. We are all the same!

I think this would be ideal to have at our homes. That would cause only one problem... I couldn't say "just wait till your father gets home!" anymore. LOL

Have a blessed day!!
Hugs...Cindy D in WV

Tradition 11

2009-03-23T07:38:00.000-04:00

Tradition 11:
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and other public media of communication.

I have had the opportunity to deal with this lately. It is amazing how HP brings these traditions a reality in my life. This one hit home via our monthly church meeting. Let me explain.

Our Sunday School is mainly adults of ages 50 plus. We have very few little ones attending and their parents are all very busy in the sports and etc. that meet on Sunday's so they aren't attending either. Within our meeting, we were talking about what we could do to attract others to our church. Should we have a street fair? a contest of some sort? What would draw them in? Well, as I was thinking of this during the week after the meeting, this tradition hit me! It is attraction NOT promotion that draws people in! They come for the fun, but if you have nothing that keeps them coming back... they will leave as quickly as they came. So, how do we attract them? This was a question I had to really ponder.
Just as quickly as I asked... HP answered! It is called... LIVING THE LIFE!

Hmm!! That was an interesting thought. What I could do is just live like I love life. Like my life is totally centered on what HP wants and how He is changing my life. So, I have begun to do this. I am sharing how HP is meeting our needs, keeping me safe, showing me the path He wants me to follow. As I do this, others too will see that He is the answer to their problems!

When I think of how this works in OA... if I am sharing during the meetings how HP is answering my prayers and meditations, if He is giving me strength to lose and they are seeing it, if they can see I am growing both mentally, spiritually and physically... then they will be back! So often I would come to meeting just to dump my problems. Instead of encouraging others, I found myself being a discourager. So... I have changed this. I try to encourage others each week. Even when life SUCKS (at least I am thinking it is), HP helps me to find out that it is really a tool that He is using to make me grow! What a learning tool!!

So, the question is... are you an encourager or a discourager? Do others come to your meeting because you have given them a positive witness? I pray that you have and if you haven't that today you begin to change. It is only through the positives... that we are able to reach out and touch someone else!

Have an awesome day!!
Hugs...Cindy

Tradition 10 - No Opinion, You have got to be kidding!

2009-02-21T19:12:00.000-05:00

Tradition 10: Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the OA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

The only person I know who can really express her opinions is none other than Maxine. I love some of her things... some are rather bad, but they do get right to the point! I hope that this cartoon will help you understand more about this tradition.

No opinion on outside issues... let me see, where do I begin? Have you ever been around someone who has an answer for everything whether they were right or not? That is what this tradition reminds me of. Opinions are good when we are trying to make a decision, but when we bring in opinions from others who are not part of our group, then we are walking on ice. For instance, I just had a dog who gave birth to 3 beautiful pups. The pups arrived without any problems for her or the pups. The next day, I had another dog who gave birth to 2 pups. One was born dead and one is having problems because I waited too long to take her to the vet. She had to have a C-section. What would have happened to her had I not called the vet but tried to help her push myself? Or what if I had called my best friend who knew nothing about pomeranian births? She and the pups would have all died! The point I am trying to make is that the vet knew what to do. He had been through this many, many times. However, a friend or someone without that expertise would have not helped me in my decision making at all.

What I am trying to say with this illustration, is that OA is unique. Only those of us who have been within these doors know what works for us and what doesn't. If we base our groups organization according to Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig, for example, then we have looked for help from others who have not been where we are. Their groups feel that we can lose by just doing the right things. We believe that our food problem is an addiction... they won't understand that. So, when we are trying to make a decision it is important that we stick with OA'ers. This also goes for us using our opinions in other areas. For instance, if I were to attend Weight Watchers, I cannot say to them that OA says.... This is wrong, because they are not OA!

My opinion is my opinion. Even here. I am not Mrs. OA. I am Cindy. I am sharing my thoughts not what OA says. As they say in our meetings... "take what you like and leave the rest". Hope this makes sense to you.

Stay blessed!
Cindy

A Special Wish for You

2009-02-14T04:33:00.002-05:00

May you have a Happy Valentine's Day today! God bless you and your family. May there be lots of love in the house today!

Hugs....Cindy

Tradition 9

2009-02-10T08:09:00.003-05:00

Tradition 9: OA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

I was thinking about this tradition this morning. The tradition says we ought never be organized. Hmm.... well, I'm in the right place! LOL I haven't been organized for a long time. When I look back, I think the reason is because I was so unorganized within. I was too busy taking care of everyone else's problems that I let myself go. (Sound familiar?) I wanted to solve the worlds problems. Then I began to look around my house and where I worked. Everywhere I was there was disorganization. I am not sure who said it, but I read somewhere that how we feel within shows on the outside without us realizing it. I was a mess within and so was my home! Today I find myself wanting to do better as far as organization goes. I want a clean house. However, I still haven't arrived there... YET!

What does all that have to do with Tradition 9? Think about it. When you entered the doors of OA, were you organized? Did you have it all together? I sure didn't! I was a big fat mess. There is no way anyone would have listened to me. At least that is what I thought. Truth is, I was listened to, encouraged, and told to keep coming back. My thought is that OA doesn't have to be organized as far as the newcomer coming and sharings within the group. However, any meeting needs some organization, a leader, to keep us all on track. If we didn't have someone there to do that, then we would get off on a tangent and try to solve their problems too. That isn't why we are here! We are here to share who we are, what happened, and how we became who we are today. Without some organization in the groups, our meetings probably won't grow. We need to come ready to share, to lead if needed, or just to participate however we can. As we work together... we grow.

Like Rosanne said "l put my hand in yours, and TOGETHER we can do what we could never do alone...."

May your day be blessed with many blessings from HP.

Hugs...Cindy

PS. Check out OA's new website! It is awesome. They have updated it and added lots of new features. The address is still the same... www.oa.org

Tradition 8 : Remaining Non-Professional

2009-02-08T14:14:00.006-05:00

Tradition 8: Overeaters Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

When I saw this picture I thought how nice it would be if I could go to the doctor and him say something like this cartoon states. That would be a real switch! Normally they tell me I am too fat and need to lose weight. Just once I would love to have a doctor that didn't put the blame on food. If he did say that, he wouldn't be much of a doctor... would he? We don't pay doctors to just make us happy. We go to them so that they might heal our problems... or find some solution to ease it.

Within OA, if we went to a meeting and Mrs. OA was there (the one who knows all!), we wouldn't return to another meeting. We wouldn't feel at ease telling how we feel or what is bothering us. In OA, we come to meetings as equals. None of us are pros' at this. We have all tried and failed (at least once!). When we share our thoughts, we share what we have learned from others in the program and through our own personal experience. This is what happened, what I did, and how I am now. If that helps you... great! The reason I go to meetings is for me. Without meeting with other OA members, I am tempted to think I have recovered and can eat like a "normal" person.

However, OA service centers are different that meetings. That is the business end of OA. Would you want someone in charge of the business that had no business experience? I wouldn't. I would want someone in charge who is business savy, someone who can keep the business growing so I can keep coming back to my meetings! This is important to me, and hopefully to other OA members. We need each other and also others with expertise in the business end of the organization. We all have a place, somewhere we can be used to the max. It is up to us to find out where that is and just do it!

Tradition 7 - Fully Self-supporting

2009-02-04T07:53:00.003-05:00

Tradition 7: Every OA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

As I thought about this tradition, I feel like it is similar to Tradition 6. Both of them are saying that it is important to stay in connection with your Higher Power and follow His lead. They both say that we are not to depend upon someone else, because if we do there my be problems which will hinder our primary purpose.

Here we find that self-supporting is VERY important. I have to agree. In my life when I have depended upon others for assistance, they usually want you to agree to do something in exchange for the help, or they have this running list of "what I have done for you". The list is to be sure that we always "owe" them. When I saw this picture, I was reminded of the one thing that I need to always remember. The upper hand is God's reaching down to me. If I keep that connection with Him, He will always help me. I won't need someone else's help because He will make a way! What an awesome God we have!

Tradition Six

2009-01-24T10:49:00.004-05:00

Tradition Six: An OA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the OA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

This tradition has always been one that I definitely understood. I have always had trouble with finances... at least, it seems like it has been that way! One of the things I would do is ask my mom for help and she would give it to me. Later that week or month, I would hear from her and she would say that I needed to do something for her. Now, I am not complaining about doing stuff, but when you get money from others... there are strings attached. Sometimes those strings are not the ones we want to have around our necks!

In OA we must always remember our primary purpose... to carry the message to other compulsive overeaters. That is what should always be in the back of our minds when doing anything. For instance, when I share here with you I am carrying the message. But... what if I fail? Am I letting others know that OA works or that it is a failure too? My goal for this blog is to carry the message and to let you know that it works... IF WE WORK IT! Any failure in my program is because of ME not OA! I have to always be sure that you and my other readers understand that. I could also tell you that OA is affiliated with our church, but what if my church doesn't agree with the OA message. Am I still carrying the message? NOPE! So, what difference does it matter about the church I go to or don't go to? All that matters is that I am sharing with you the OA message. There is hope for overeaters! We can recover if we work our program. We are here to support each other.

So, that is my thoughts on Tradition 6. I hope I have made my point clear. Any comments or concerns are welcome. I enjoy hearing others thoughts. May HP give you a blessed day today.

Hugs... Cindy D in WV

Tradition Five: Our Primary Purpose

2009-01-21T18:07:00.007-05:00

Tradition Five:
Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the compulsive overeater who still suffers.

When I first came to OA, I thought that the primary purpose was to save the world of overeating! If I didn't get one person healed, then I was a failure. Well, today I am reminded of a really hard lesson I had to learn.

I AM NOT GOD!!

I had just got my first chance at being a sponsor and the person I was sharing with just seemed to not grasp anything I shared. It was like I was fighting a losing battle (no pun intended!) Well, when I talked with my sponsor, she reminded me of Who was in charge. Guess what? It wasn't me!! It was God (or HP as others call Him). When I let go of the results, I found that it didn't upset me how she did or didn't accept what I was offering. I was giving what I had and it was between her and her HP to grow from it.

This tradition says that our primary purpose is NOT to have everyone experience OA as we do. It says that we are to carry the message... PERIOD. The results are up to HP and the person He is talking with. That helps me to realize that I don't have to worry about the results of what I say. God will take what I have given out and use it to bring others to Him. It may not be in "my time" but it will happen!

Using this same tradition at home... I found that if my primary purpose was something that everyone else was not in agreement with it, we never accomplished it. For instance, my husband may want a new car but all I can see is those bills mounting up. We do not have the same goals in mind. How do we have a home of peace? We have to talk and agree upon a primary purpose. Most of the time, that takes talking and sharing how I feel inside. If I dont'' share, he will never know what is bothering me or why I just don't want that new car. But if I share about the bills and how they call me constantly about things not being paid, then he may understand why all I want is to get less debt. BUT I have to talk with him about it before we can agree.

This is also similar in church, work, etc. Wherever I go, I must find out what the primary purpose is of the group. Do I want to do that? If not, why? I need to share my thoughts with others and find a way to agree on something. Our purpose must be known and everyone in agreement with it. Only then can we grow as a group.

How is your group doing? Do you have a primary purpose or are there many purposes? Remember in OA our primary purpose is to tell the message to others. The results?? That is HP's business!

Hugs...Cindy

Welcome 2009!

2009-01-19T15:28:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to check in and say that I am still around. Going to meetings and now working with a new sponsor. The time with my mom's death has really been an eye opener for me. I see now that stress is more my problem... it is when food calls my name. We are working to get things in order. I will share more later. Just wanted to let you know that I haven't gone anywhere.

Have an awesome weekend and remember that you are special! HP loves you just as you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way.

Talk to you again soon.

Hugs... Cindy

Tradition 4: Each group should be...

2008-05-29T14:41:00.001-04:00

Tradition 4: "Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or OA as a whole. "

We again look at the group for this tradition. In this one it is important to remember that we are united as a group, however, if a decision we make affects another group then we must consult them as well in the decision process. For instance, if our OA group decides that we are going to close each meeting with the "Lord's Prayer" it will affect only us. If we go to another group and try to impose our decision on it, that is affecting them. They have the choice to join us or to do their own closing. The point I am getting at is this, we can make decisions within our individual groups. However, if we choose to use things that are not approved by OA as a whole, we must consider the result it will have on everyone. Some may be offended, others may not care. The main this is that we all have a voice in the process.

Let's look at this from a "home front" view. Growing up I was always taught that parents were to treat each child as an individual, however, when christmas came, each person was to get the same money amount for their toys. My hubby was taught differently and thus he taught his children that way. When we became a family, they were quite suprised when I would have the same amount for each persons gift. They expected to get better than the other one because they had been good. Well, truth is... it didn't matter to me. I gave what I could and each person got equal amounts. Today they appreciate that, but it was a hard thing for them to understand when we married. Now I find his kids even doing the same thing with their children. (Amazing isn't it!)

So, how can you apply this to your groups? Do you try to stay united or is there division? One thing is for sure... a united group works best!

Have a blessed week. See ya next time!
Cindy

Life and Death

2008-05-26T05:26:00.003-04:00

Life has a way of getting us off track and forgetting the important things such as taking care of ourself. The last few months, that has been happening to me. I have found myself bogged down with taking care of everyone but me. Because of this, my desire to stop eating compulsively has went by the wayside. I have still been going to meetings, but I know that my program has gotten weaker. Today I choose life! Life for me and for my health.

I'm not sure if I told you on here, but August 2007, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had one treatment and got so sick that another one was out of the question. Well, she died last week. It has been a long journey, but she is much better now. She is where there is no more pain, no more disease, and no more sorrow. I envy her! It would be wonderful to be free of the earthly pains that we go through each day. Keep my family in your prayers.

As for me, I am trudging the road to "happy destiny" now. I am working the steps again and hope to comment on Tradition 4 real soon! Have a blessed day and thanks for caring about me!

Hugs....Cindy D in WV

Tradition 3: The only requirement...

2008-02-22T10:39:00.011-05:00

Tradition 3: The only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

When I first came to OA, I found it difficult to identify what abstinence is. I found that every person has a different definition of it. However, this tradition tells us exactly why we need to be in OA... we are compulsive eaters! I saw this cartoon and immediately identified with the lady who was binging. I have done that! For me, coming to OA helps me to change my addictive thinking. I am learning how to deal with life without overeating. In the past, how I would deal with stress would be to get a big bowl of ice cream, or any kind of sweet, and just eat the whole thing. I didn't want to think of what was going on or I would just eat so I couldn't fix the problem. I was too busy to do anything about the problem if I was eating! Today I see that the problems never went away. Usually they escalated. Things just got worse because I didn't do anything about them. Sometimes I still can't do anything to change things, but I do let others know that I can't fix it. At least I am now letting them know where I am instead of making them guess. In most cases, that makes a HUGE difference on what they think of you.

So, am I a candidate for OA? You bet I am! I am a compulsive overeater. I know today that I can't fix anything without my HP's help. How about you... are you an overeater too? If so, find OA in your area and reach out to others. We need each other in order to grow in our recovery.

Have a blessed day!

Till next time...
Hugs to you from Cindy D in WV

Welcome 2008!

2008-01-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I posted last. There has been many life issues I have had to deal with. Thanks to HP, I still have my mom around. Things are a bit touch and go with her, but I know He knows what is best so I will just relax and wait on Him. I know that when ever He calls her home, she is ready. So, I feel that I am going to be ok when it happens.

The new year has brought many challenges for me. One of the things I would like to do is work towards putting my book of encouragement together. It will be 12 steppers who are also Christians. I have found that it is a challenge for me to put scripture with the 12 steps, so that is my goal in writing my devotional. I think it will be an amazing thing if I get it done. Pray that HP will direct me in the right way and that it will be His words and not mine.

Now... for the new year, I would like to do something daily on here. Maybe just update what is going on or something else. I am not sure what I will do... BUT I am choosing to "just do it!" So, any ideas on what you would like to hear or see me share on? Just let me know and I will see what I can come up with. I also want to complete the traditions, so I will put them in there too.

Well, for now I will close. Have a wonderful day and know that HP is with you and cares about what you are going through today. May His peace and serenity surround you.

Hugs...Cindy

Tradition Two "For our group purpose..."

2007-11-20T15:00:00.000-05:00

Tradition 2: "For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern."

This tradition is VERY important when it comes to all types of groups that we are in. For instance, our group at home, at work and at our OA meetings. So, tell me... who is in charge? Any ideas?

As I read this tradition I am reminded that there is only ONE authority and I am not it! So who is that One in charge? Within our groups, it is important that each of our voices are heard. We all need to share our feelings. To sit back and just listen and accept what others say as truth is not sharing our right to speak our peace. For instance, how would you feel if your family decided that the family would be going to Florida for the winter months and you hated it down there? You have a right to share how you feel. If you don't like Florida, tell them why. Let them know why you feel as you do. Sometimes people assume that they are doing what we want, when in reality it is far from true. We need to speak up!

As an OA member, I have a part in the decision making process, but I don't always have to be right. Let me ask you this, have you ever been to an Intergroup meeting where everyone was stating their feelings and there was one person who tried to convince everyone else that they were wrong? As I worked with this tradition, I was reminded that we are ALL sick. We have a disease that makes us do things that are not always best for us. I had to remember that I didn't always have to be right. Someone else may have a better idea than mine. If I am always on the defense, I may not gain the benefits from listening to others. It is important to have every voice heard.

As we grow up in age and in wisdom, we become more stable with our ideas and able to listen long enough to understand those around us. We need to take in the wisdom others have. They may have a better solution to our problem. So for today, I turn my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. I ask Him for wisdom to listen carefully to others that I might not do something I will regret later.

I hope that this has helped you. If you would like to share about your feelings on this tradition, please do! I look forward to learning from you!
Hugs...Cindy D in WV

Tradition One "Our common welfare..."

2007-10-18T10:21:00.000-04:00

"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon OA unity."

When I think of Tradition One, I think of Unity. Not just unity in our OA groups, but also in our homes, our work, our friendships, and in all areas of life. My first sponsor had me go through the steps and traditions and apply them to my life. That was hard for me because I had not seen much unity in my life. I came from an alcoholic home and the only unity we had was chaotic. I didn't know what unity at home meant. I did feel unity and happiness when I went to my grandparents house. They loved my brother and I with an unconditional love. We were just allowed to be kids. At home, we were the parents. We were supposed to keep house, do the cooking, and anything else that needed done. So... unity was an unknown thing to me.

Let me start with our groups. What is our common welfare? For me, I feel our common welfare is to carry the message to other compulsive overeaters. What if your idea is different? Do we have unity? If you have been in any sort of group, you know what it is like to be either a part of it, or the person who has been "left out in the cold". I find that a good group is one that everyone is on the same playing field. We each have the groups goals as our desires. We want what is best for everyone and not just for the "chosen few". In any of the 12 step groups, I am finding that unity is sometimes hard to find because I am so self-centered, wanting my own way. (Sound like you?) It is difficult to not want what I want. We have just started an intergroup here in our area and it is so difficult to find unity within the group. There are those who want things their way, those who are low in self-esteem who won't speak up, and then those who just don't want to commit to anything. How do we find unity within this group? It is taking some effort. We have to do it at each meeting, asking our HP to lead and direct our steps so that He has control of the meeting and not us. Only when He is in charge, can we find unity.

OK, now lets go to the home front! The common welfare of my family (in my opinion) is to have a loving and caring home. What if the others within my family don't have the same idea? Now, take a quick look at your home situation. What is your common welfare? Does everyone feel the same way? Are you a united group? Is there any one person who MUST have their way or they aren't happy? Are you that person? Lots of questions, but if we really look within our self, we will see that most of the time the answers lie within us.

My home growing up was one where whatever Mom or Dad said was to be done without question. If we didn't complete the task, there were consequences. So, our common welfare in my eyes was to make Mom and Dad happy. I grew up thinking that the man of the house was always right, so when I married it was difficult when I was given a chance to speak up. My first husband didn't want the responsibility of being "in charge". I was to do just about everything. We divorced and about 7 years later I remarried, but this time to an alcoholic. We didn't stay married long because I found myself "walking on egg shells" most of the time. If you have ever been there, you know what I am talking about. I never felt like I did anything right. That was my first encounter with the 12 steps. As I began to take my stand and try to get unity in our home, I found that we just weren't made for each other.

Today I am on my 3rd marriage. This marriage is different. My husband and I try to work together to make our home a loving place for our family. My husband allows me to have an opinion and we share the chores around the house. He expects me to speak my mind, and I do him too! I must say that there are times when we disagree, but at least we know what the other person is thinking and often we work it out.

The last place we will discuss is at work. What is our common welfare? To me, it is to get the job accomplished in a timely manner. I find that a job is more enjoyable when you work together as a team. I have been in jobs where there is a supervisor who delegates and demands you do certain things and if not done, punishes you. Then I have been in jobs where teamwork is done and everyone works together to get the jobs done. If something comes up and you have a problem, you can always count on someone else to pitch in and help. That is the place I like to work. How about you?

Now is your turn. Tell me what you think about this Tradition. Is it important to you: at home, at work, within your group?

Hugs till next time! Cindy

The Traditions

2007-07-24T14:07:00.000-04:00

The traditions have become very interesting to me. Last weekend we had an OA meeting and at the meeting we were given a "quickie" lesson on the Traditions. I really learned a lot about them. So, with this I would like to share some of it with you. I will begin with my next post on Tradition One and continue till we get through them all. The thing that was stressed the most, was the fact that the traditions help us with our relationships. This is not just OA friendships, but our home life, our work life, etc. It is for wherever we find ourself at this moment. So, as we go through them, think how the tradition can work to help you as an overeater and your other stations of life. May this be a blessing to you. Please feel free to share with me your opinions on these. I am not an authority by any means. I am human and make mistakes. So, shall we begin?

Hugs till next time! Cindy

An Update from My House

2007-05-28T12:46:00.000-04:00

Hello All! Just wanted to drop in and say hello. I haven't been on here for awhile and I didn't want anyone to think I had left this world. I'm ready to go... but not in any hurry to get there! LOL

The past few months have held lots of stressers for me. My dad and step-dad died... almost a month apart. I have been trying to get a new job and it seems to be at a standstill right now. Then there is life with OA. My food has been good, but I am having some questions going through my head. I am wondering about me. Am I crazy? Is that why I can't seem to keep a sponsor? Well, I will go into that later. So... as you can see... things have been a bit stressful. BUT overall, God has been faithful! I can't complain when it comes to Him! He always provides what I need. So... that is good.

Now... let me see. Where do I begin? Last month my hubby had the permanent stimulator put into his back. He is doing really well with it and it is terribly hard to keep him from doing anything that the dr. has asked him not to do. He is very active... one of those "I can't sit still" kinda guys. The dr. wants him to not lift anything for 6 weeks that weighs over that of a gallon of milk. Well, just last night he shared with me that he went out and picked up a 50 lb. piece of machinery to put on the corn so the racoons wouldn't get into it! I have talked till I'm blue in the face, so I am now just going to let the dr. handle it. He goes back to see him in the next few days and I hope he fusses at him left n right! LOL So, that is what is going on with him.

Now... about OA. We have been having Intergroup (IG) meetings monthly and things were going pretty well. There has been some squabble over how much abstinence someone needs to have to be in a position of authority within the group. One or two of the members have been pretty adamant about it. It is either their way or no way! My feeling is that if we are working the steps the best we can, then that is worth millions! Ok... so someone slips... should they be relieved of their job? I don't think so! I think as long as they are working the steps and trying... that is important. However, the others don't quite agree with me. They feel that we need to be the "abstinence police" and have everyone check in whether they are or not at each meeting. I just don't like this! None of us are perfect and so why should we be the ones to judge someone else? In my opinion, that is God's job! So, I am a bit upset about IG. I am going to talk with my counselor about this. I just feel it isn't right.

The next thing I see happening is me losing sponsors again. This is my 4th sponsor and each time it seems like I get just a bit close and they leave. I am not sure if it is due to me, or due to something they have to deal with. Probably both, since I am far from being perfect! My current sponsor and I seem to be pulling apart from one another. It seems like that is how it works. Life starts happening and then they don't have time to share... or I feel like we are getting too close and I pull back for fear of rejection. Guess that is part of my 5th step I need to really work on. I know one of the many things a sponsoree needs to be with her sponsor is honest. Right now I am finding that hard to do. I don't want to share what I am feeling because I feel she will get upset. Oh well, guess I know the answer... let HP handle the outcome! So... please say a special prayer for me. I need to work this out. Thanks!

Well, tomorrow I will have been married (this time) for 18 years. We were sitting on the porch last night and joked about getting a divorce so we could remarry again! LOL I don't think I want to deal with that again! He said that maybe we could renew our vows in a couple years (when we hit 20) because he doesn't know if we will make 25. He thinks he is going to die before then. I told him he was too stubborn to die and I wouldn't let him! LOL

So... that is what is going on with us right now. Food is good. I have been trying to do the diabetic diet but finding it harder to stick with. I want to eat all the time when I do the small meals (Can't seem to make them small). So think I will go back to doing 3 meals a day and no eating after 9 pm at night. That really worked for me! Have an abstinent day and a wonderful holiday. May God's best be yours today!
Hugs...Cindy

Check out my Guestbook!

2007-03-14T12:15:00.001-04:00

A Day at the Hospital

2007-03-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

I have to share with you about last Friday at the hospital. I took the day off to be with my hubby while he got the spinal cord stimulator implanted into his back. It was the trial one and he wanted to see if it would work. He had not ate since midnight, just like you do with all surgeries. We had went in, signed up and was waiting for his turn to go into the surgery room. Well, I was fine. I took some books, had my journal, and even a few crossword books. I figured it was going to take some time, so I even fixed my lunch!

After we had been there about two hours, a group of people came in and I caught myself watching them. First I checked out their size. Most of them were rather hefty (like me). There were also a couple of girls who were so skinny that a good wind would have blown them away. Ok... so I fit in. Now I found myself judging them. They brought in a huge grocery bag of chips! There was all kinds. I think there were about 8 of them and each one had a different brand of snack. Now, that was fine... BUT they chose to open them and start crunching right in front of all of us!! I was really upset. Why did they do that? Didn't they realize that there were people in that waiting room waiting to go into surgery and were hungry? Didn't they realize "I WAS HUNGRY FOR THEIR CHIPS?" Well, I finally came back to my senses and told my hubby that I was going to move. I couldn't deal with the smell any longer. Before I could get up, someone else came in and they moved to sit with them. I looked at my hubby and then said a quiet "Thank You God!!" I was so glad that they moved.

I guess I am saying all this to just share with you how our eating effects others. I never thought about it till I had to walk in those shoes. I always ate just like they did. Now I see that there are others out there who are just as compulsive as I am, who will eat at any time of the day and for no reason. I am now going to start watching when I eat. If I am in the hospital and am hungry, I am going to remember this day. I will try to respect those who cannot eat till later.

Well, I made it through the day and didn't eat anything I shouldn't have. I stayed abstinent. I wonder if I could have done that without OA. Probably not. I know that this program works when we work it! Hope you have a wonderful abstinent day.

Hugs till next time....Cindy

March Has Arrived!

2007-03-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that today is the 1st day of March. What a fast year we are having! I got on the scales this morning only to find that I have gained another 5 pounds. I thought I had lost... but instead, up I go. That sucks. I know exactly why it happened. I just didn't stick to my food plan. This last month my sponsor wanted me to weigh and measure my food. Well, I like food! I don't want less. So, I gained. Ok... time to check out what I want. Do I really want to continue down this road and go back to the old me... or am I willing to start afresh and do what I need to do with HP's help? Hmm???

I must do what is good for me. I need to accept that I cannot eat like everyone else and lose weight. I am an overeater, a compulsive one! I cannot eat like you and lose... or even stay health. I have to follow my food plan. Do I want to? Not really. I love white flour and sugar. I am going to miss my breads and candies. Can I do this with God's help? YES. Am I willing to do it? YES... one day at a time! So... with this in mind I ask that you put me on your prayer list. I need to be solidly grounded in His will and not mine. I need to remember who is in charge of my life... and it AIN'T me!

Have a wonderful abstinent March. Will chat more later.

Hugs...Cindy

Life is a Journey...

2007-02-16T09:37:00.000-05:00

... not a destination!

When I first saw this coin my first impulse was to say... NO! It is a destination, it is where I want to go. As I have been working the steps in my life, I see where it is a journey. The journey takes us in many directions. Sometimes to places we would rather not go! Today I am learning that the choices I make each day help to direct the path I will go that day. Am I going on the road to recovery or am I back doing the things that keep me in my overeating? Have I truly committed my will and life over to the care of the God of my understanding?

I have been thinking a lot about the word journey lately. What did I bring with me on this journey? What baggage am I still carrying around? It amazes me that as I let go of some of the things I once thought were important in my life, they become unneccessary and I really don't miss them. Today I am looking within and checking out what my baggage holds for today. I pray that they are not too heavy because I don't want them to slow me down on the journey. I know that I am not perfect by no means... but I am doing the best I can for today. That is all He requires of us! So... with that, I will turn this day over to Him.

I want to be just where HP wants me to be today. How about you?

Changing the things I can

2007-02-06T10:21:00.000-05:00

Good morning World!

It has taken me forever it seems to get through all the steps here online. Even though I have written only sporadically, I have been working them daily. I have found that sometimes working them is easier than writing about them. (LOL) Then there are other days when I would rather write about it than deal with the pain of dealing with the steps. So... guess you have to take both the good and bad with life. One thing I have learned with all this is that life happens! What changes is us. We change within. Our reactions change to how we deal with life. I am finding the things that used to worry me and throw me into major stresses are not as bad today as they used to be. I think it is because I finally learned to let HP take over my life and do the work that needs to be done. Today I am again starting on Step 4... looking within at those things which I need to work on with HP's help. I know that there are going to be things I will recall that may cause some fear. The good thing is that dealing with them, will help to make me a better person. That is my goal! So, today I take a leap of faith and put my hand in His. He will lead me where I need to go today.

As we walk this journey together, remember that you are not alone. We can do this one day at a time. Have a blessed abstinent day. May HP fill your day with blessings from above!

Hugs...Cindy

Step 12 "Having had a spiritual awakening ..."

2007-01-24T10:17:00.000-05:00

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs"

When I got to this step the first time, I thought it said that I had to carry the message to others and that they HAD to accept it. I soon found out that wasn't true! It says tried... not fixed. I would start sponsoring someone and expect them to get fixed by what I shared with them. I would feel that they should get it as quickly as I did. It was disappointing to me when they would choose to get another sponsor. What had I done wrong? I was just trying to do my job.

As I shared with my sponsor my frustrations, she reminded me as to what my job really was. It says that I am to share my experience, strength, and hope. I was to give them guidance for the journey, not push them along! Their job was to decide whether they would accept what HP had shared with me and allow their HP to guide them. She reminded me that we are all on this journey and that we are all on different areas of the path. Some may be ahead of me, others may be behind me. Wherever they are... is NONE OF MY BUSINESS! What is my business is to share what I have learned and let them choose for themself what they want to use. I can't make their choices for them. That was a real eye opener!

The principles I am learning are also important. It is necessary for me to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Why? Because practice makes it a habit. Today my life has changed. How? I used to be a late riser. I would wait till the last minute to get up and shower and get ready for work. Normally, I would be late for work. I would not eat breakfast and my sharing with HP would be a short prayer in the shower as I was bathing. Journaling was something I found really difficult to do. Today this has changed. I am normally up around 6am so I can do my devotions, journal, and spend time with HP before I shower. I take time to listen to what He has to say to me. Most mornings I will listen to a pastor on TV and see if what they are saying speaks to me. Normally, I hear what I need for that day! I am also eating breakfast and spending more time in my looks. I am concerned as to how I look. I want to look my best for the day because I am showing others what HP has done for me on a daily basis. I want them to want what I have!

I feel that it is very important to begin your day with God. He now controls my life. I am also learning to allow others to take control of their own life. Those I sponsor are shown the tools that I am using and given the options to use them or not. It is up to them. I just share what I have and pray that their HP will show them what is right for them. I allow them to live their lives. I also allow my family to live their life. I don't try to fix them or be their HP any more. I have turned that job over to God... because He does a much better job than I could ever do!

Today I want to thank you for sharing your journey with me. I need you in my life to help me on my journey. Your suggestions and hope in recovery help me to grow in the steps. I am truly blessed! Thanks so much for being here, for listening and for being a part of my life! You are very special to me... not only me, but to HP as well. May He continue to keep you safe and abstinent... ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Hugs...Cindy

Step 11 "Sought through..."

2007-01-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. "

This has been an amazing journey! I have been in the 12 step program now over a year... and I am really learning more about my God and who He is and what He can do if I let Him! I like this step because it is an ongoing one. The God of my understanding today is not the same one that I began OA with. Let me share...

Growing up I believed that God was in the heavens watching us from above with pen in hand... just waiting for us to screw up. Sure He loved me... but only when I was good... and I tried to ALWAYS be good! He was also one that was willing to forgive, but I had to ask for the forgiveness. I wasn't going to be accepted because I was His child. I had to earn that forgiveness. Well, that God is gone!

Today my God is one of understanding, of love, of forgiveness. He is here with His hands open just waiting on me to ask for His help! He is interested in ALL of my life... not just about when I sin. He is concerned about my finances, my health, my food, my family, etc. There is NOTHING that He will not do for me... IF I ASK! The key is ASKING and then waiting for Him to do the rest. I find that I can ask, but then if He doesn't answer today I wanna get in there and fix it for Him! (Sounds familiar?) Today I am working on just staying out of His way... standing here watching what He is going to do next.

I have found when I allow Him to control my life... all is well. It is amazing the things He will do when we let Him! Thanks for the new revelation God... I truly am blessed by Your presence!

Thanks for listening. May your step 11 come quickly!
Hugs...Cindy

It's Almost Christmas!

2006-12-23T08:50:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to drop in and say Merry Christmas to everyone who is celebrating this time of year. There is so much happening in my life, that I just can't seem to get back to this blog on a daily basis. I will definitely try to do it at least once a month in the future. So... until 2007 (unless I find some free time), have a wonderful holiday season and be sure to hang around. You just never know what HP (God) is going to do!

Hugs... Cindy

Letting Go

2006-11-21T09:35:00.000-05:00

I found this online while searching and it really hit home for me. I want to remember this, so I chose to write it here for safe keeping. Hope it speaks to you as much as it did to me! Cindy

"To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I don't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means that outcome is not in my hands.
To let go I not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to face reality.
To let go not to in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more. "

Author Unknown

Step 10 "Continued to take..."

2006-10-17T10:23:00.001-04:00

"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. "

This picture kind of says it all, doesn't it? I remember how hard it was for me to do my first inventory. I was so afraid to do it. I was afraid of what would come out of it, what I would have to learn or let go of. Now, we are asked again to take another one. I thought once should be enough... but then someone told me that it is kind of like cleaning house. Once is never enough! You straighten things up at home, do all the dusting, sweeping, moping, and even painting... then life happens and you find everything in a mess. The items that were once hanging neatly in the closet are now over the chair in the living room. The dust has again settled on the figurines that you have on the wall and on the desks. Life happened! Our lives are like that too. We clean the clutter when we do the first 4th step, but then things change in our daily walk. We have life to deal with.

I am so glad that one time doesn't do it. If I had to deal with all of the stuff in my life at one time, I would never make it. I think it comes down to the fact that God (or your HP) gives us the information we can deal with where we are. He never overloads us. As we work on one defect and try to get better, we don't seem to be overwhelmed with the total package. We allow Him to show us what we are ready to work on. Sometimes it is just being patient for the right time to come... to wait on His plan and not ours.

Today as you think of Step 10, look within. Is there something that God is trying to show you today that needs your reviewing? Allow Him to talk with you and give you what you need for today. Thanks to HP, this is done only "one day at a time"! We don't have to tackle it all at the same time.

May your day be blessed today!

Hugs.. Cindy

Step 9 Making My Amends

2006-10-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

Step 9 says: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. "

Well, after I made my list in Step 8, my sponsor stopped me in my tracks. She said... what about yourself? What have you done to yourself that you need to make amends for? Well, I had never thought of that. I was never good enough to have someone make amends to me... never the less, me making amends to myself! As I pondered over that thought, I was reminded of the times I overate just to get away from the problem, how I would go to sleep instead of facing it, or even just isolating and not sharing with someone else for fear that they might find out about the "real" me. I always felt I was bad and it was confirmed over and over because I never kept up with other people's expectations for me. Then I would punish myself for being such a failure. What did it get me? Tons of illnesses that I can't fix now. I can try to live life better and maybe improve, but I wonder if I will ever be totally healed. Only God knows the answer to that one! So here I am making my amends to myself. Taking time to learn about me, who I am, what I want, what I need, and how to live life to its fullest.

Then the others came to mind. Some of the amends I made were done verbally, some were by a letter. I even had to just change the way I talked with one person to make my amends. I felt they were so much like me that they needed punished too! (I am so glad that God reminds us of where our place in life is! I am not God... so stop doing His job.) There was one person that I couldn't talk to about what had happened. In doing so, I could cause major damage to her life. So, I chose to just talk it out with my sponsor and love the person for who she was. It was hard to talk with her because I still felt the guilt. That was when a loving friend reminded me once more that I am not God. I cannot keep feeling the guilt and love myself. I needed to let it go. Well, that was the hardest lesson I think I have ever had to learn. I am grateful for the lesson, but I pray that I never have to go through that again.

Today I make amends daily. I review my day and apologize when I feel God nudging me to do it. He is really good at keeping my "side of the street clean". May your day be one filled with love. May you find that your amends list is small and that the one you love today should be You!

Hugs to ya! Cindy

ME

2006-06-13T14:48:00.000-04:00

"I am the only "me" I've got. I am unique. There are two major parts of me. There is the inside "me" and the outside "me".

The outside me is what you see. The way I act, the image I portray, the way I look and the things I do. The outside me is very important. It is my messenger to the world and much of my outside me is what communicates with you. I value what I have done, the way I look, and what I share with you. The inside "me" knows all my feelings, my secret ideas, and my many hopes and dreams. Sometimes I let you know a little bit about the inside "me" and sometimes it's a very private part of myself.

Even though there are an enormous number of people in the world, no one is exactly like "me". I take full responsibility for "me" and the more I learn about myself, the more responsibility I am going to take. You see, my "me" is my responsibility. As I know myself more and more, I find out that I am an OK person. I've done some good things in life because I am a good person. I have accomplished some things in my life because I am a competent person. I know some special people because I am worth knowing. I celebrate the many things I have done for myself.

I've also made some mistakes. I can learn from them. I have also known some people who did not appreciate me. I do not need to keep those people in my life. I've wasted some precious time. I can make new choices now. As long as I can see, hear, feel, think, change, grow and behave, I have great possibilities. I'm going to take those risks and those possibilities, and I am going to grow and love and be and celebrate. I am worth it."

From the book called "Learning to Love Yourself" by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse (page 81).

Life Happens!

2006-06-03T17:17:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to share a bit to let you know that I wasn't lost in outer space somewhere. I am still alive and kicking. However, life continues to happen and I have had to take some time to deal with it. This last month my Dad passed away and I found myself wallowing in the self pity of the past. Oh those things that continue to haunt us even when we think we are over them! Well, today I am getting better. I have been blessed with a new sponsor and have been working with her the last few weeks on life and what has been happening. It is amazing how someone else can see what we can't see... even when it is staring us in the face! So, today I am learning to deal with this day and it's events.

One thing I have really found interesting is the way she has shown me to do the steps. I have begun to do them over again with her. Right now I am only on step 3, but that is ok. I have really had some wonderful insights that I would like to share with you. First of all, step 1 says that we will be brought back to sanity. I had never saw that before! Isn't it wonderful to know that somewhere in our past, we were sane? I find that very hopeful. I can go back to sane if I allow HP to lead. Now... step2. I found that working it "came to believe" really stuck out for me. I am not sure why... but it did. We took a couple weeks just pondering it and thinking about coming to believe. I found that I still didn't feel worthy of God's love. I know... I have talked a good talk previously, but today I see He wants me to know that His love is given freely. I don't have to earn it or do anything but accept it. I have also found that His love isn't conditional. I knew that before, but I never internally accepted it. I felt I had to do something to earn it or even keep it. So today I am blessed in knowing that I am loved...PERIOD!

This week I begin step 3. It amazes me how much I am learning by doing things as she has suggested. Just write the step out, look up the words in the dictionary and choose what definition I feel it means to me today. Then write why I feel I chose that definition. Afterwards I pick a portion of the step and write on it. It is amazing how many things I have found about myself by doing this. Thank God... He always knows what we need, just when we need it!

So...life happens! That is where I am today. I am blessed. I am grateful for a Higher Power who loves me enough to meet my every need. Thanks for listening. May your HP be near you today and lead you in the path you need to follow. Hope to see you along the journey!

Hugs...Cindy D in WV

Step 8 "Made a list..."

2006-05-08T12:36:00.000-04:00

Step 8 "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all."

When I took this step I began to write down just about everyone I knew. Why? Because I thought knowing me had harmed them in some way. I had failed them. I felt I was a failure so this had to include everyone. As I shared my list with my sponsor, she reminded me of one person that I had omitted... ME! I had been downing myself so much that I didn't see how it was affecting me. I was always comparing myself to others, feeling inadequate for the job, the task, etc. I never believed in myself. Truthfully, I was harming myself more than anyone else on the list. So, I thought it best to put me at the top of this list!

Next it says to become willing to make amends to them all. Hmm?? Do I really want to let my anger, fears, and hatred go? It has given me fuel for so many fires in my life for years.. do I really want to change that? What if God asks me to make amends and I am not willing? Will He give up on me? I don't think that anything we could do will ever make God give up on us. He knows what our potential is. He believes in us even when we don't believe in ourself.

As I look at this step today, I see that some of the people I have become willing to make amends to have not changed. They are the same as they were that day I gave it to HP. However, I am different. I have had an attitude change and today I know that whatever they think is none of my business. What is my business is what God thinks of me. Today I see this is where willingness comes in. I am willing to make amends, but acceptance from that person only comes when they are ready. I can't change them. I just have to remember that everything happens in God's time and maybe it isn't time for them to change yet. I just need to work on me. In doing that, I have a full time job!

Is it time for another gratitude list?

Step 7 "Humbly asked Him..."

2006-04-27T15:20:00.000-04:00

Step 7 "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

It has taken me a few weeks to get started on this step. I have found myself making excuses for reasons why I can't do this now. Today I just decided to JUST DO IT! So, what was the problem? When I look at this step, I am asking God to remove my shortcomings. So, what are my shortcomings? What if something I think is a benefit is actually a shortcoming in His eyes? Do I still want Him to remove it?

I think the key is in the first word of this step. HUMBLY doesn't mean that I tell God what to do. It means that I give up my control and ask for His best in my life. I think if I am honest with myself, I still want to tell God what to do. I am afraid He might take away something I want to keep!

If this is truly how I feel, I need to go back to steps 1, 2 and 3 again and remember that I am His child and He wants only what is His best for me. He will not remove those things that make me a unique individual. He only wants to improve on the "real" me.

So, what are some of my shortcomings? For me, I have seen my controlling others and trying to fix their lives as a shortcoming. Another one I just saw recently is procrastination. At times, perfectionism even crops up!!

This step just asks me to give God permission to change me. I am not saying what He needs to fix nor am I to demand when it is to be accomplished. One thing I have learned is that God has His own time table. He does what He does, when He is ready. I just have to be willing to let Him do it.

Are you willing today?

Taking a Break!

2006-04-25T14:22:00.000-04:00

Today I just feel like I need to take a break. Just get away from it all and smell the roses! So far we have done really good. I have found this working the steps to be an awesome adventure. Sometimes it can be overwhelming and I think that is where I am right now. I just feel like I need to step back and see what is going on within me before we go to the next step.

How is your day? I don't really share much about me personally as far as my day, but I think of you as I write these thoughts. Who are my readers? Are they like me? Do they want to stop the insanity in their lives too? If you would, please share with me about yourself. It is always nice to know that we are not alone in this journey. I pray that your day has been a good one.

As you travel your road of life, remember that HP can always help when things look impossible. In fact, if He is running your life, NOTHING is impossible! You are important to Him and He cares about you! Don't ever forget that!!
Love n hugs... till next time. CD

Just for Fun...

2006-04-19T10:30:00.000-04:00

This was from a cartoon I found online. I found it to be a real stress reliever. Hope you enjoy it as well!

Have a wonderful day.

Remember, we can do this. Just take it one day at a time!

Love n hugs... Cindy D

Step 6 "Were entirely ready..."

2006-04-18T10:52:00.000-04:00

Step 6 "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

This step is a step of willingness. I find that I have to be willing to do it before I can allow HP to take over and fix my defects of character. I also have to be willing to allow Him to do it in His timing and not mine!

For instance, one of my defects of character is people pleasing. I have a bad habit of trying to make everyone happy. When I can't seem to make them happy by what I do, I will go buy things for them. I did that for my alcoholic husband and reaped many results from it... some not good! For instance... I bought him a truck so he could go find a job. He wanted to work at carpentry, so he had to have a truck to get the materials for his jobs. We would work together. I would get his contracts ready for him and he would do the work. Well, maybe I should say... he sometimes did the work. Most of the time, his disease took over and he was not able to work. Then I would feel guilty about giving him the truck. I would take his keys away so he wouldn't drink and drive. Well, one day he did it anyways and killed a man. Talk about guilt. I don't know what kind of guilt he felt, but I felt responsible for the man's death. If I had never bought that truck... and so the story goes. It is like that with all things in my life. I am always looking back and saying "If only I had... " when I really should just accept things as they are and just learn from those mistakes.

I think that is what HP wants us to learn from this step. He wants us to know that the outcome is not always our doing. Yes, I bought the truck but I had no real control over when he would or wouldn't use it. I needed to turn that over to HP and allow Him to control that. Instead, I tried to fix it in my own way. I wanted to make my hubby happy and instead I became miserable. I find that when I try to fix anything, it always ends up a mess.

Step 6 reminds me that I am not in control. HP has control over my life, my decisions, my destiny. I am to be willing to accept whatever He brings my way today and leave the results with Him. Can I do it? Some days are better than others. I do find that I am willing most of the time, however, there are those days when I want to play god again. That is when I need to go back one more time to step 1 and turn it over again to Him!

Today I am willing to allow HP to take over and change those things within me that He thinks needs changed. He knows me better than I know myself. Am I willing to allow Him to do this? Today I am. How about you?

Step 5 "Admitted to.."

2006-04-04T12:30:00.000-04:00

Step 5 "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

In step 4 we found the "stuff" that makes us who we are. In looking at all of this honestly, I found that I was not happy to admit to some of it to myself... never the less to someone else! In the OA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions I found these words, "In the process of sharing our inventory we have become more honest with ourselves and others than we have ever been before."(OA, p51)

Honesty... that isn't hard. At least that is what I thought. I have always felt that I was an honest person. As I have worked the steps, I have found that it is easy to be honest with others, but I don't do well admitting things to myself. I don't want to admit that I have a problem. I want to be perfect (course we know that will never happen... but I still want to do it!). In order for me to get better, I have to admit to myself who I really am and not just who I want to be. Oh how hard this is for me!!

The first part of this step says that I admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. Since I know that God is aware of my shortcomings anyways... it was hard to try to hide the truth from Him. How do you lie to someone who knows all? He made me and knows my life's journey. He has been with me every step of the journey... although I may have tried to leave Him behind a few times. He still knows me and loves me. He knows all so I can't hide the truth from Him.

Next was to admit to myself who I am. I don't like admitting failure! The good thing about this step is that I don't have to go through in detail about all my wrongs. I just need to understand why I did what I did and try to figure out what triggered that feeling or emotion. Was it for selfish motives, jealousy, etc.? In looking at myself, I will find growth as I see myself as I am.

Last, I need to share what I have learned with another human being. This can be a friend in the program, a counselor, religious leader, etc. just as long as you are comfortable sharing with them and they understand some about what we are doing. By admitting to another person my wrongs, I am claiming ownership of them. I am saying this is a part of me. I may not like admitting it, but in doing it I will receive hope. The one thing I found that I received from sharing this with someone else was acceptance. The person I shared with told me that she had been in similar circumstances and that life could get better. I didn't have to stay where I was, but I could get recovery! This gave me hope.

Step 5 was a real eye opener for me. It helped me to release those things I found within step 4 and realize that there was hope for the future. I have taken a step forward on the journey of life! Recovery comes... one day at a time!
Hugs...cd

Taking a Leap of Faith

2006-03-29T09:47:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to share with you today a small treasure that I have found. A few months ago my sponsor suggested that I join her at the convention in Missouri so we could meet and share our programs. I was really looking forward to it. Well, things happened and she decided that I needed to get another sponsor. I was irrate. What had I done to make her so mad? I was hurt. I wanted to see her, to give her a hug. Now she just said that and there was no talking about it. Well, I already had my ticket and couldn't get it exchanged, so I went to the convention.

I say all that to tell you this... That leap of faith, of going to the convention in a town where I knew no one, was a blessing for me. I found so much love there. I found a peace within by being there and a strength that will never be taken away from me. It is amazing how things always work together for our good. I didn't realize that God was in the midst of all this. Sure I said my prayers and asked for His guidance, but did I expect Him to handle this? I guess not... or I wouldn't be as surprised as I am.

Today I have once again been reminded that all things work together for our good. God has reasons for everything that happen to us. We may not like the outcome at the time, but in the end, we will find our blessings. Today I would love to say thank you to my sponsor who chose to let me go. She did what God wanted her to do and I appreciate her listening to Him. I have been changed and blessed by all that has been done. He is working in me and I am grateful.

I am glad I took that leap of faith and got on the plane to Missouri. I am glad I met new friends. I am glad I am able to share with you what He has done in my life. When you come to the crossroads and are not sure what to do, just ask Him. He will tell you what is best for you.

Thanks for listening! CD

Step Helps

2006-03-28T12:56:00.001-05:00

Here is a wonderful sight that has great info for all the steps. The author has done a wonderful job in preparing a way to work your steps. Hope you can use it and enjoy the journey as you gain insight within yourself.

http://www.therecoverygroup.org/wts/2005/cherniackstepstudy/index.html

Keep coming back!!

Step 4 "Sex"

2006-03-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

This is a topic that you either love or hate. Growing up I was always told that was something you only discussed with your spouse. Today's world has really changed that idea. You see sex on TV, in radio announcements, billboards, and just about everywhere. It isn't a secret thing any more.

In dealing with sex in step 4, we are going to look at our relationships. Here are the directions for writing a sex conduct inventory as given to me. You take your notebook and you write a list off all the persons you had and have intimate relations with. You write one name to a page and leave the other side blank. Since you may need both sides of the page for each person. Then we answer the following questions in detail for each person on our list.
1. Where have I been selfish in my conduct? We write down our selfish and self centered actions feelings and thoughts with regard to that person
2. Where have I been dishonest in my conduct? We write down our dishonest deeds, like lying, stealing, borrowing and not returning, hiding parts of the truth, gossiping, posing as another person than what we really are. Etc…
3. Where had I been inconsiderate in my conduct?? We write down all our inconsiderate deeds with regard to that person.
4. Had I hurt that person? (Emotionally, physically or financially) Write down in detail all the harm you caused that person.
5. Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy in that person? Be specific and write in detail.
6. Did I unjustifiably arouse suspicion in that person? Be specific and write in detail.
7. Did I unjustifiably arouse bitterness in that person? Be specific and write in detail.
8. Where was I at fault? We write down what our responsibility was in this relationship, and why we were in it in the first place.
9. What should I have done instead? Meditate on this question and write down what were the right things that you should have done instead of what you did.We look at what we have written.

We must treat sex as any other problem. When we have a specific problem we turn to God in prayer and meditation. "God, please show me what I should do about this specific matter." Knowing that the right answer will come if we want it. We have to realize that only God is the final judge of our sex conduct and not people, though we may ask for their advice.

I hope this has helped you to work on your inventory for step 4. Next time we will be discussing Step 5. Hope to see you then. Until that time, keep looking for the good and bad in your inventory. There is some good there! I saw it.
(((HUGS)))

Step 4 "Fears"

2006-03-27T16:23:00.000-05:00

The Big Book talks about facing your fears and learning what controls them. For me, I had many fears while doing my first inventory. There were the fears from my past, fears about my future and what it held for me, and then there were the fears I am facing today.

Would past fears come back and haunt me? Had I found them all? Here are a few of the ones I had... One fear I had was that I would not lose weight. Then there was the fear that I might lose too much weight. Would my hubby love me when I lost weight or would he decide I wasn't worth loving? The questions were many.

Today I still have fears. However, I relate to them differently. They no longer control me. I find that when I allow HP to control my life, good things come to me. Sometimes they don't always look good at first glance, but they eventually show that they are just what I needed. It amazes me how He works! He always supplies just what I need... just when I need it the most. I need not fear. He is in control.

Someone once told me that you could not worry and trust at the same time. I have found this to be true. There is no way I can be happy and trusting if I am worrying about the outcome of something. I remember fretting months over things and feeling like it was all my fault. These fears were because I didn't trust. Once I realized it and gave the problem to HP, it all worked out. I have also been told that when we worry we are playing God. We are telling God that we think He does not have all the answers and we can find them. That really put me in my place!

So... for today, "I put my hand in Yours..." How about you?

Step 4 "Resentments"

2006-03-16T10:21:00.000-05:00

Resentments is the "number one" offender. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or principles with whome we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up". (Taken from the Big Book, pages 64-65)

The last 4th step I did, I used this form to bring things out into the open. See this link for form: http://www.therecoverygroup.org/wts/2005/cherniackstepstudy/step4resentment7.pdf
The first thing I did was write down everyone in my immediate family. Then I asked myself if I was angry at them and if so, why? It amazed me to see that I was angry at just about everyone. There was always something they did or didn't do that pushed my buttons. Now that I knew I was angry, I needed to understand why. What was causing me to be this cranky old woman that I had become? I found out that most of it was due to my expectations of them. I would expect them to do or not do something and they wouldn't do it. I took it personally. They did what they did just to get even with me!!

One of the Big Book readings talks about expectations. The author says, "If I want serenity, I need to let go of my expectations"... ALL of them. That includes what I expect of myself as well. This has been hard for me because I have a lifetime of experience in telling others what to do.

For today, I will try to let my expectations go. I just live with anticipation and not expectation. I know God is going to help me today. How? That I don't know, but I live life looking for what He is going to do in my life next. He always surprises me.

Resentments today are few. They no longer run my life, HP does! He will bring only the best my way. I just have to trust Him. May you let go of your resentments today as you make your list. Trust Him to direct your path. He will "IF" you let Him!

Step 4 "Making Our Inventory"

2006-03-15T13:00:00.000-05:00

Step 4
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

I remember the first time I took step 4. I wanted to do each step perfectly and this one was no exception. Because I wanted perfection, it took me months to do it the first time. The one thing I learned from that is that I can do as many 4th steps as I want. Each one brings something new into view. I need to be aware of what HP wants me to learn from doing this one today.

First I had to find out what I didn't have in my inventory. That wasn't too hard. Everyone always told me where I had failed. My list of failures was LONG. My sponsor then told me that I didn't need to list what I didn't have. I needed to know what I did have! That was hard. I had to start my list over looking at the me that I really didn't want to look at. Could I please just skip this step? My sponsor said no... so I continued my inventory.

The one thing I forgot was that I was taking my inventory. An inventory is a list of all things within, both good and bad. When I was working at the grocery store, we did weekly inventories. During these inventories we reviewed what items we had out on the shelves in the store, then looked at those things on hand stored in the backroom. This is the same thing I need to do with my inventory. I need to first look at those things visible with my eyes. These are the things everyone can see. Then I need to look within and see what I have stored within me. When I did this, I found it amazing to see that I had many things I didn't realize were available within me.

Some of the things I found in my inventory I realized I didn't need any more. These were the things that I would have get rid of. Then there were those things I found that I needed to use more frequently. These were brought out to the forefront and I began to put them to work in my life.

When I think of my inventory, it says that we make a searching and fearless inventory of ourself. Was mine a search? Yes! I found things that I didn't remember having. Was it fearless? NO! I was scared to death! However, I found that it wasn't something to be feared and that helped me to let it go. I finally got my inventory done. So... how about you? Have you started your inventory yet? If not, what is keeping you from doing it? As the slogan says....
JUST DO IT!

Next time we will talk about various parts of our inventory. Hope to see you there. We can do this... one day at a time! Just take a step out in faith. HP will help lead the way.
Hugs... CD

Step 3 Made a decision...

2006-02-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him"

I don't know why this was such a hard thing for me to do when I joined OA. I have always been making decisions. Now granted they have not always been good ones, but I did make them! So when I am asked to make a decision what is stopping me? Am I afraid of making the wrong decision? Am I afraid of giving up control of my life? What is the problem? So many questions and so few answers!!

I think this was a gradual thing for me. I had to do steps 1-3 every morning for months before I finally was able to say, "Yes... I have done it!" I think part of it was because I wanted to still control my life. I wanted to be the final authority. I thought I knew best what was good for me. When I realized what I was really saying... I was then able to let go of the control. I was saying to God that He wasn't so smart. I knew what was best for me. Well, where in the world did that come from? Look at the mess my life was in... and I knew best? I don't think so!!

The good thing about this step is that I just have to let the God of my understanding be in control. That gives each of us freedom to have our own God. Your God may not be called the same as mine, but that is ok. The important thing is that we are no longer controling the things in our life... God (our Higher Power) is! I may not understand your God, but that is ok. What matters is that you are aware that He has control and you don't. The final decisions are between you and HP. That makes it so much easier to understand and let go of things.

Right now I have just been diagnosed with Bell's Palsey. I have had to let this go and give it to my Higher Power. I have no control over what is going to happen. Only HP knows what is going to happen to me next. I just need to accept that this is one of the tools He is using to mold me into the person He wants me to be. When I do that, I can let go of the pain, fears and stress that comes with this. Today, I am in His hands! I pray that you are too!
Love n hugs... Cindy

Happy Valentines Day!

2006-02-14T10:05:00.000-05:00

Have a Happy Valentines Day today.

Know that you are being thought of and loved by many including me

May this be the best Valentine's day you have had.

Praying for you and for abstinence for all!

Love and hugs from The Brat!

Step 2 "Could Restore Us to Sanity"

2006-02-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

As we evaluate our Higher Power's authority over our life, we must see the possibility of change within our life. For me, I could look into the Bible and see how God had changed the lives of those who had turned their lives over to Him. He restored families, healed lives, made things thought impossible... possible, and so much more! All this told me He could do this very same thing for me IF... I LET HIM! I don't want to say much more on that for now, because to do so would go into Step 3.

So, take a moment and breathe. In step 1, you said that your life was unmanageable. You realized that you can't fix it or even control it. In step 2, you are aware that there is Someone or Something out there in this universe that is willing to help you, if you would just ask. You have or may not have a relationship with this Power. However, you are willing to take a leap of faith and begin to trust and confide in that Power.

Are you willing? Do you have a Higher Power? If not, would you like to know mine? I am sure He will love you just as much as He loves me. We are all His children. He loves us whether we believe in Him or not. He feels our hurts and shares in our joys.

May you find your Higher Power today!

Now... on to Step 3!!

Step 2 "Power, Greater Than Ourselves

2006-02-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

Step 2 "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

I have been reading the AA Big Book (BB) lately and have been truly amazed at the value they have placed on the spirituality of our program. No, I am not talking about religion! Maybe I should stop here and explain these two terms for you...

Religion to me is the church I attend or the faith or belief that I have been a member of. This is where I would go to fellowship with other believers. The BB says that we don't have to be a member of any specific religion to have spirituality.

To me, spirituality is the relationship I have with my God, Higher Power (HP), or whatever you might call Him. Some people use God, others Budda, Mohammed, etc. It really doesn't matter what He is called just that we believe in Him and that we are trying to have a relationship with Him. The relationship with our HP is important because we are going to build on that relationship as we move further in the steps. We need to believe that our God can do for us what we cannot do alone!

For those who are nonbelievers, they are asked to find Someone or Something greater than themself to trust in. Some try to just "fake it till they make it". The BB even calls God, Spirit of the Universe. Let me share some of the BB thoughts here with you.

"As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Inteeligence, a Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him." BB, page 46

"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us." BB, page 164

Stop now and think. Do you have a Higher Power greater than yourself? By now you have realized that you can't fix your problem. Someone or Something greater than you has to help. Do you know Who that Someone or Something is? If so, look at your relationship with Him. Look at how much you trust Him. Can you say you have a spiritual relationship or is it a religious one? Take time now to evaluate your relationship with your HP. May you find it to be a spiritual one!

Step 2 "Came to Believe"

2006-02-06T14:34:00.000-05:00

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

When I look at the steps I like to take them apart, bit by bit. I want to get all I can get from them. So, if you don't mind... this first post is going to be on "Came to Believe".

The first thing that comes to my mind when I read this step is that I am going to have some sort of awakening within myself. I am going to search for what I believe in. For me, I have always believed in God. He has been very real to me. However, when it came to giving my food habits to Him, I doubted His love being genuine. How could He have time to spend with me and my food habits when there are others with such bigger problems? I felt He really didn't have time for me.

When I shared this with my sponsor, she reminded me of who God really is. He is love. He cares about me in the same manner I care for my children (only at a much deeper level!). I don't want anything to harm my children. I want only the best for them. That is how God feels about me! He loves me... JUST AS I AM! I don't have to change anything for Him to love me.

So, when I look at "Came to Believe" I evaluated Who my God was and how I saw Him. I also began to see that there were many things about Him that I didn't know. Our relationship was just at the "hello" stage. So today, I am learning more of Him. I want to know what He wants for me, what is it He values as important, and what my life is with Him running it. Just like all my relationships, I want this one to grow. I want to say that I really KNOW Him. Right now I can't do that.

Now, before we go on, look at your Higher Power (HP). Do you know who He is? What kind of relationship do you have with your HP? Are you willing to learn more of Him and feel His love? Today I pray that you will be able to say that you have...

Came to Believe!

Venturing Into the Unknown...

2006-02-01T12:07:00.000-05:00

This was an amazing thought for me. As I look to walking the steps, I know that there are going to be places that I am going to go that I may not want to venture into. Am I really willing to stop and look at those places with an open mind and a loving heart? Am I being critical of myself again? I know that the only way I can go on with these steps is to take a step in faith. As we go on to Step 2, let us venture into the unknown and look at what is there with an open mind. HP (God) please help me to not be critical of myself and what I have done. Help me to see myself through Your eyes. May I find that unconditional love alive and well in my life.

May today be a day that you trust HP and what He has in store for you. Tomorrow we will talk about Step 2. It is coming... I promise!!

Final Thoughts on Step 1

2006-01-18T13:35:00.000-05:00

When I think of Step 1 I think that I now don't have to do anything... I can relax. Well, I am here to tell you that isn't true! There is work to do and it must be done. It won't always be easy to let go of certain things, but it is an easy program. What you make of it is up to you!

Today I have been listening to the tapes of Joe and Charlie, 2 AA leaders who share about the Big Book. It has really helped me to understand the program more. If you get a chance, stop and listen to some of their tapes. They have to full Big Book study done in small tapings (about 20 minutes each). I hope that you will enjoy them as much as I have. Here is the link to the site in case you need it: http://www.xa-speakers.org Once at this site, pull down the menu and click on the AA site, then choose their tapes.

Step 1 says "We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable." Have you found this to be so? Is it just food you are powerless over? For me, it is just about everything. I am powerless over everyone elses' life and the choices they make. I am powerless over the weather, my fate in life. God is the ONLY one who is in charge in my life. May you find Him a reality in your life today!

Step 2 starts next!

The Nature of our Disease

2006-01-12T11:36:00.000-05:00

When I think of where I am today and what this disease has done to me, all I can say is "I need help". That is where Step 1 comes in. Today I want to share a few things I have found from looking in the AA Big Book.

First of all, this disease is one that is three fold. We are fighting both physically, mentally, and spiritually the nature of this illness. Let me give you some examples. As for the physical side of this disease, that is the weight of it. I am an obese person. I have tried various weight loss plans and lost weight, but it still keeps coming back. I feel like I have will power. I want to lose. I want to be different.

It is the mental part of this disease that keeps me thinking I can keep doing the same things I have always done and lose weight. It won't happen! I have to change my ways of thinking. For me to change my thinking, I have to see specific foods as poison to me. All I need to do is eat one potato chip and I am on my way to finishing off that whole bag! I mentally think that I can eat just one or just a few and stop, but instead I keep doing what I have always done... I eat it all!

The spiritual part of this is amazing to me. You will notice in the passage above I have said "I" about a million times. Well, the truth of the matter is that I don't have to do this alone! I can have help. For the spiritual part of my disease, I need to realize that there is someone or something greater than me that loves me enough to care about what I do or say. To me that someone is my God. He used to be a God of power and condemnation. I used to think that He was upset with me all the time because I didn't do my best. The truth of the matter is, He wants to help me! So, when I see this in my spiritual life and realize that He is willing to help, I need to be willing to let Him!

There are many sayings and thoughts found in the AA Big Book which talk about the alcoholic and their desire to stop drinking. As I read these passages, I see myself. I cannot control my food eating. Once I start on my binge foods, I will go on till it is all consumed. I have tried other diets, weight loss pills, etc. but nothing works for very long. Willpower alone will not get it done for me. I need God's help. Step 1 is realizing that. Have you seen your sense of powerlessness yet? May today be the day that you truly take that first step!

More on Step 1

2006-01-10T11:59:00.000-05:00

This week we are still working on step 1. As we begin the week we are asked to say this prayer to help us understand where we are today.

Set Aside Prayer
"God, please help me to set aside everything I think I know about myself, my disease, these steps, and especially about You. I ask for an open mind so that I may experience a new attitude about myself, my disease, the steps and especially You. Remove all my preconceived ideas and help me to approach the program with an open mind. AMEN"

Today I realize how important this prayer is to me. I need to be reminded daily that I do not have the answers to everyone's problems... only God does! In the past I would try to fix your problem for you and suggest solutions to your problems without consulting God. Hey, I knew it worked for me... so it should work for you! Well, truth is... that isn't true! God works differently for each of us. He takes us as individuals and does what He sees best for us. What is good for me may not be good for you. So, I need to let God do His job and stay out of the way!

Our next assignment was to read some portions of the Big Book and share the areas that reflect different parts of our disease. I won't expound on them here, but just say that as an overeater, our disease is three fold. We have a disease that effects us spirtually, physically and mentally. This is similar to the alcoholic. That is why we use the Big Book. My next post I will center on this aspect of our disease and how it effects us.

Today I ask you... Have you totally admitted your powerlessness or are you still trying to play God? May you find the strength today to let go of your problems and let God handle them!

Working the Steps - Step 1

2006-01-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

I am beginning to do the WTS loop online with my sponsorees. In order to make it easy for all of us, I have chosen to write out my responses to the questions here. If you would like to join the group, please go to this site and sign in: http://www.therecoverygroup.org/wts/index.html . On this site is the author also gives a great description of how to work the steps. If you want to see how it is done, please check it out!

Step 1 says: "We admitted we were powerless over food,that our lives had become unmanageable."

1. Why do I think that I am a food addict/compulsive eater? For me the answer to this is easy! I can't stop eating certain foods when I see them in front of me. I will fix a meal and then eat the left overs instead of putting them in the trash. I love food and lots of times food controls my actions... when I let it!

2. Do I think that my circumstances have anything to do with my being an addict/ compulsive eater? It wouldn't make any difference in my eating habits if I lived in another place or even if my financial status were different. I would still over eat. I may have more money and eat more, but the overeating wouldn't change. It still would control my thinking.

3. What do the terms cravings and obsession mean to me? Cravings are those times when my body says it needs something. Obesession is when I think of only one thing... FOOD. I used to think that when I had cravings for bananas or cheeses that it was because my body was telling me I needed that within my system. Now I see that sometimes I was just obsessing over the food... not really needing it. If I eat correctly, my body will not need to crave anything. I just have to watch my cravings... are they really obsessions?

4. What does reaching bottom mean to me? Reaching bottom to me means that things can only get better! For me, I had to realize that this is the ONLY way of life for me. I have to do this if I want to live. The only alternative is death, and I don't want that! So, I do this like my life depends upon it... because it does!

5. Do I have the power to choose not to binge or purge today? I have NO power over food or anything else. If it we left up to me, I would be eating right now! I definitely need help to get through this!

6. Do I think that I manage my life quite well, except for my food problem? My life is a total disaster when I am in charge! I can't do anything without God's help. I need Him in all areas of my life.

7. What is the meaning of prayer to me? Prayer to me is my time of sharing with my God throughout the day. I do it just about every moment of the day. Before OA, I would do it at meal times and occasionally at night, but now it is like breathing. I want God to know what I am doing and to be with me constantly. He is my friend and guide!

8. What does the term insanity mean to me? Someone once told me the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. I think that pretty much says it all!

9. What is my concept of God, and what part if any does God play in my life? God is in control of my life. He is my best friend, my counselor, the one I want to be like when I grow up! I want to always make Him proud of me.

10. Do I have troubles with my personal relationships? Yes. I think everyone has trouble in this area in one way or another. I either try to control the other person, or they try to control me. Either way, it never works! As a people-pleaser, I always want to make others happy. I find it really hard to meet their expectations. Today I am learning that the only one I need to make happy is myself and God. If He is happy, I am!

11. Is my emotional nature under control or do I have all kinds of mood swings? I don't normally have mood swings... at least, not like I used to! Today's moods kick in when I forget to start my day by giving it to God. If I am trying to do it alone, I fail!

12. Am I prey to misery and depression? I can get really depressed when I think of what needs to be done and how far I still have to go. If I stay focused on today and the moment I am living in, I am ok. The best thing i have found to do is give it to God and He will take care of it all! I don't have to worry anymore (unless I just want to!).

13. Am I spending more than I earn? Today... NO! But if I don't watch, I could do it really easy. I have to turn this over to God as well.

14. Do I have a feeling of uselessness? I get this feeling at times when I am at work because I start the "poor me" thinking.

15. Am I full of fears? What is my biggest fear? I don't fear as many things as I used to do. My biggest fear today is that of having another wreck in snow or ice. I just don't want to do that again!

16. Am I of real help to other people? I think so. I try to ask God each day to use me as He sees fit. I love to encourage others and I think that is where I help the most.

17. Do I have resentments towards some of my family and friends? Today - NO!

18. Am I selfish and self centered? I have always considered others more important than myself. Although today I am beginning to realize that sometimes I do things for others to get the benefits that come along with it. I guess I can be selfish if I am not careful!

19. Am I dishonest (stealing lying, etc…)? I used to think that I was the most honest person around. Today I see that I have been lying to myself for years. I am working on this today with God's help. He is helping me grow more in love with myself. That is why I have been so dishonest. I didn't feel worthy of the love!

20. Am I inconsiderate of others? I don't think I am on purpose. . . but I have done it. It is like I am in a fog and can't see how what I am doing effects someone else, till it is over with! I have turned this over to God as well!

That's it for the questions this time. I will continue this as the story unfolds. May your day be blessed to overflowing and may God keep you in the palm of His hands! Know that you are loved.

Happy New Year!

2005-12-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to wish you and yours a Happy New Year! I will start discussing the steps with the next Blog entry. I am looking forward to your comments!

Taking that First Step

2005-12-28T11:48:00.000-05:00

I remember the day that I began on this journey. I wanted so much to do it without having to depend on anyone else. I knew that God could do many things, but there were certain things that I felt He expected ME to do on my own. It was MY job to do it. As I took this first step I saw how wrong my thinking had been.

Step 1 says, "We admitted we were powerless over food- that our lives had become unmanageable." I just didn't understand how I could be powerless over food. It wasn't in control of me. I was the one putting the food in my mouth. I was the one that made the wrong choices. I chose to eat chips instead of vegetables. So, how does that make me powerless over food? Well, my desire was for the things not good for me. I wanted those things. They had power... they controlled my desires! Now... talk about unmanageable. I was a mess and sometimes still am (LOL). Why? Because I would allow my desires for food to run my life. I would buy an ice cream cone when I really needed the money for gas in my car. Or I would buy "comfort" food instead of paying a bill. Bills were stacking up and I had no control over how I would ever get them paid. I would worry about them and then eat to stuff the feelings.

So, step one for me was seeing life as it was. It was basically a reality check for me. I didn't like me or who I was. I didn't like what I had become and didn't feel like their were any other choices for me. Today I know that I have choices. That comes later...

Have you taken the first step?

Tis the Season!

2005-12-23T10:34:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to stop a moment and wish you a Merry Christmas. I am so grateful for the love that I have received from my God. He loved me enough to send His son to die for my sins. WOW! What amazing love.

I know some of you don't believe in Christ and that is your priviledge. For you and your family, I wish a safe holiday. May you take time during the hustle and bustle of the season to realize how important your family is to you. Take a moment and thank your Higher Power for them!

May you have a great weekend. I will see you again on Tuesday.

Merry Christmas! Cindy

Reasons to Grow

2005-12-22T13:42:00.000-05:00

If you had no problems, you would have no life. Seek not to be free of the problems, but to be free of their grip on your spirit. Problems are only a problem when you're down on their level. The more you rise above them, the less they'll hold you back. In fact, when you rise far enough above a problem, it becomes an opportunity. Look back on your experience, and you'll see that this is true. If you run from the problems, they'll chase you, and will always, eventually, catch up. Instead of seeing a problem as a reason to run, see it as a reason to grow. Then, not only do you grow stronger, the problem also shrinks in comparison. The higher you raise yourself above it, the more effectively you can deal with it. Life will always have problems. The stronger those problems make you, the better life will be. -- Ralph Marston

Progress Not Perfection

2005-12-22T11:25:00.000-05:00

One of the things I find myself doing is seeing how far I have to go instead of how far I have come. When I think of how much more I need to grow, I get so depressed! Will it ever happen? Why do others get it so easily and some of us have to just keep trudging along? Well, today someone said something in one of the loops that got me thinking. I have come so far since I started working the steps. For instance, I now have a better relationship with my Higher Power whom I choose to call God. I like myself today. I have learned not to judge others but to love them where they are.

The biggest change in my life thanks to the 12-steps is my relationship with my mom. I really felt that Mom liked my brother better than me and that there was NO WAY she would ever like me. Well, things happened as they often do, but this time God made a change in me. I saw on her table a balloon in a flower pot that said "Gee Mom, I knew you liked me best!" Well, when I saw it I got really resentful and really stuffed the feeling. Eventually I shared it with her. I guess it was about a month or so before I talked to her about it. Come to find out, it was my step-brother who had sent the balloon instead of my brother. He needed to do it for her approval. After we talked about it, we began to get closer. Now I spend quality time with her and we are closer than we have ever been. I even value her opinions today.

Another thing that has changed since coming to OA is that I have begun to lose weight without trying. My sponsor told me that if I would just trust in my HP that He would make it happen. At first I wondered about that, but I knew that she had what I wanted so I tried acting in faith. Well, I can tell you today... it is working! I have lost 33 pounds with God's help! He is faithful to deliver what He has promised. We just have to trust in Him and let Him control our lives.

As the slogan says, I now want to look at my progress. I know I will never be perfect. There is no one perfect, not even my sponsor! I have to trust my Higher Power to deliver what I need for today and know that He is perfect! He will give me what is best for me because He loves me, I am His child! And... we all know that we give good things to our children.

May you take time today to stop and think of how far you have come in the program, instead of how far you have to go! Just hang on. The journey is long, but we can do it... Together!
God bless you today... Cindy

I Can't, He Can, So I Think I Will Let Him!

2005-12-20T14:14:00.000-05:00

This is a slogan often affiliated with the first 3 steps of our program. The first part, I can't, is taking step 1 which says that we are powerless over our addiction (whatever it may be) and that our lives have become unmanageable. For instance, no matter how hard I try or how many diets I go on, I still cannot control my eating for long periods of time. I do ok for a few days but then my will to eat the "good stuff" tends to come back and haunt me. I find myself craving chocolates, candies, and all those other fattening things that aren't really good for anyone! So, I am powerless over that!

He can, is signifying that I know my Higher Power (whom I choose to call God) can do all things. He can help me control my food cravings, my desire to fix others, and whatever else may be bothering me. This is step 2 which says "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity." I am aware that someone (besides me) can fix the problem... and His name is my Higher Power. With His help, I can be restored to sanity or find it for the first time in my life! That is a nice thought!

The last part is about step 3 which says "Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him". That means to me that my God may not be your God and that is ok. What is necessary is that we both find a God who is greater than us and turn our will and way over to Him. At times that is easier for me to do than others. I tend to get in God's way sometimes and back into the "fix it" mode again. I need to always take these 3 steps daily in order to have a good day. Without them... I am a mess. With them, I have serenity!

So, just for today I know that I can't do it, He can, and guess what? I think I will let Him!

Just for Today

2005-12-19T16:18:00.000-05:00

I have a really bad habit of trying to foresee what the future will hold for me. When I was first introduced to the 12-steps, a common practice of mine was to do the scenerio "he says this... I say that" and try to run all types of things that could happen through my head. I thought this was the best way for me to see if I was doing things right.

When I came to Al-Anon (my first 12-step program), I noticed that many people would tell me not to project what the outcome would be of situations. They told me that was not something I could realistically do. They were right! I would run the ideas through my head, but they never happened as I anticipated. I was always getting hurt or assuming the wrong things. Another thing I was good at was assuming that others knew what I was thinking. If they didn't do as I thought they should, it was their fault because they hadn't read my mind. Well, things have changed today.

I find that I have only today to deal with. Yesterday is over and done with. I cannot change anything I did or didn't do in that day. Tomorrow hasn't gotten here yet. I can't anticipate what others may or may not do. All I can do is live in the now and live it to the fullest. I can deal with today and it's problems by turning my day over to my HP and asking for His guidance. With His help, I can get through this day. I don't have to worry about tomorrow or yesterday. They will take care of themself. In fact, I need not worry at all. Why? Because HP is in control. When I worry, He is not in control So... just for today I choose not to worry. I give this day and all it's problems over to the God of my understanding. He will take care of it all, I just have to stay out of the way... JUST FOR TODAY!

I Am Special!

2005-12-16T11:21:00.000-05:00

I'm Special. In all the world there is nobody like me. Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me. Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice. I'm special!

No one can be found who has my handwriting. Nobody anywhere has my exact tastes for food or music or art. No one sees things just as I do. In all of time there has been no one who laughs or cries like me. And whatever makes me laugh or cry, will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever. No one reacts to any situation just as I would react. I'm special!

I'm the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh , there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combination of talents, ideas , abilities and feelings. Like a roomful of musical instruments , some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together.
I'm a symphony.

Through all the eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think or do like me. I'm special, I'm rare. And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great rare , value I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept... Yes, celebrate my differences. I'm special!

And I'm beginning to see that God made me special for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination of what it takes. That one is me! Because I'm special!

(Author UnKnown)

Let Go and Let God

2005-12-16T10:35:00.000-05:00

Sounds real simple, doesn't it? Just let things go and let God handle all your problems! Well, for me it is sometimes a moment by moment challenge. The reason for that is because I was told as a child that to not meet a challenge was to fail. It was a sign of weakness. I was always encouraged to succeed, to get the best grades, to win the prize, to complete the task requested, etc. Many times I would fall flat on my face at the task and consider myself a failure. Wehn I did this, I began to peck away at my self-esteem. By the time I found the 12-step programs, I was really down on myself. I was a failure and no one would love me. I knew that!

The first time I tried to let go of something it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I wanted so much to fix the problem, but knew I couldn't. I had tried! My sponsor suggested that I take the problem and give it to God. As a Christian, I felt this would be easy to do. I had always been taught by my grandparents that God is always interested in us and wants to help us when we can't do things ourself. BUT wasn't I supposed to at least try? Well, I had tried. I had failed. So I gave my problem to God. Before the hour was up, I was back to worrying about the situation. What did God want me to do? What would I do if He didn't answer quickly? Where would we go? The questions began to overwhelm me again. My sponsor said that I was taking back what I had given to God. I didn't see it that way, but she had more program experience than I did, so I trusted her experience. She said that when we worry, it shows we aren't trusting God. So again I turned it over to God, and again, and again... until I finally stopped worrying about it.

She gave me something to help me let go. It was a little note of love that I have cherished for years. It says...

Dear Cindy,

I will be handling all your problems today. I do not need your help. So have a good day!

Love God

After reading this, I kept it close to me wherever I was. When I felt worried, I would pull it out and read it. Today it means so much to me, probably more than it did the first time I read it. It is wonderful to know that God loves me enough to care about all my problems. He wants to help. The only thing He is waiting on is for me to give it to Him. So today I have learned to take each day and let it go (whatever the problem) and let God take care of it. He will if I let Him!

As they always say in our meetings... it works, if we work it! Have a great day today!

If...

2005-12-06T12:36:00.000-05:00

If you always do what you always did...

you will always get what you always got!

There are days when I think I am just redoing the day before. It seems that I am what some people would call predictable. I never do things differently. I never react differently to those who push me into a corner... I just cover up with fear and never face them. I hate confrontations! I think the reason is because I am saying when I stand up for myself that they are wrong! Well, my people pleasing nature doesn't ever want to rock the boat.

Then there are days that I say today I will diet, I will exercise, I will do this for me. Then before the day gets started good, I am at my desk wallowing in jelly donuts and drinking mocha coffee. Not good for a dieter at all! So, why do I do that? I know what is good for me. I have been on enough diets to know that healthy is having a balanced diet of all the good foods... and NO donuts are not one of them! But that still doesn't answer why I keep failing at my diets. I have tried and tried to follow them, but end up falling on my face every time.

Well, when I came to OA I realized that the 12 steps would work if you work them. They worked for me when I was dealing with the alcoholic husband in my life at that time. It took months for me to totally let go and let God have him. I couldn't control his drinking or fix him... only God could! So how does this help me with eating? Well, when I realize that I am powerless over food, I realize that there will be times that food will really "call my name" and I will want to eat it. It is only by the grace of God that I will be able to resist. I have to give my food to my God, my Higher Power. Once He is in control of my life, I can work these steps daily with success. Of course, there are days when I think I don't need His help and I stumble and fall. The good thing about all this is the fact that He is always there, just waiting on us to give it up.

So, I can eat and do the things I have always done and fail... OR... I can choose to follow the 12 steps and learn to depend on God. It is an easy program, but it isn't always easy! So, for today I am choosing to change my thinking to get different results. I choose the 12 step way. With God I cannot fail!

First Things First

2005-12-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

As I think about this slogan I am reminded of many things. First I remember how easy life was when I was a child. Mom and Dad always made up our to-do list for the day and we didn't have to think about what needed to be done... only to do it! To not complete the tasks meant that we would be spanked at the end of the day. So, we did each one, in order, and did them as quickly as we could! If we went somewhere (to Grandma's house, etc.), there were lists of to do and not do's for there as well. Everything was in black and white, no problems. Life was simple, you either did it or faced the consequences.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood the simplicity of life left. Life got complicated. We were told to treat others as we wanted to be treated, so I began my people pleasing. I started doing thing for others that they should have been doing themself. This was the beginning of my mess making! Other people's feelings and concerns were more important to me than my own. I had no feelings. If it didn't matter to someone else, it wasn't important enough for me to concern myself.

My first attempt at figuring out what was important to me came by list making. First, I would write down what I wanted to do that day. Then I would write down what other's wanted. Looking back, it is amazing that what others wanted was always more important than my own needs or wants. I was always last on the list.

Today life is different. I have learned through the 12-steps that I am important and a valued person. What I think IS important. It is not only important to me, but also to my Higher Power. He wants me to see that my needs are as important as the next guy's. I have value! I am worth millions to Him! When I make my list today, it begins with what is important to me... that is MY RECOVERY! Without recovery, I am no good to anyone. So, I must focus on my healing and recovery. Today I do that by taking time to journal my thoughts, read OA literature and study it, and share with other OA'ers in meetings online and face to face. When I stop taking time for recovery... I am in the danger zone! After that comes my work and family. I try not to over do in either department.

The one thing I have learned in life is that we do what we want to do. We can always find time to do the things that are important to us. For instance, when faced with the decision to buy a tool for my hubby or a camera for me, I don't have the money to by that new tool my hubby wants... but I get the camera somehow! I always seem to find time and money to get what I feel is MOST important. I think that is why I get frustrated so easily with others when they say they don't have time to work the program. Do they really not have time, or is it just another excuse to avoid working a step? Oh how I pray that they would find time... it is important for their recovery!

But... for today. First things first. I come first at my house!

Think!

2005-11-29T08:59:00.000-05:00

Good morning!

Wanted to start today off with a thought that has often got me into problems... Thinking! My thinking in the past has always been negative. I knew that whatever the outcome of a situation, it would always be negative. Nothing positive ever happened to me. (At least that is the way I thought!)

Today my thinking is different. I anticipate good things in my life today, because my God wants to give me His best. When I finally took the first 3 steps of OA, I found that things began to change in my life. Each day came with new blessings. Because I started the day by turning my day over to God (my Higher Power), I found life beginning to get exciting. Today I look for new things in my life, positive ones! I look for challenges that He brings my way and how He expects me to meet them. I think about others more today than I used to do. How are they feeling? Do they need something I have? Can I give them help or love today and ease their burdens? This is a different kind of thinking than I have ever done in the past.

When I was writing this out, God reminded me of a scripture that I would like to pass on. He says, "And now dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. FIX your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. THINK about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. THINK about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8. May this help you today to think about Him and how He wants to bless you!

Remember.... THINK!

Keep It Simple

2005-11-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

It's only 3 little words, but what power lies within them! I have always been one to make everything bigger than it is. If I got a sore toe and you asked me about it, I would tell you how terrible it was. I always made things sound worse than they really were. For instance, about the sore toe my projection would be that I would have to go to the doctor and he would have to cut off the nail to get it fixed. Of course, it never happened... but I always made such irrational projections.

In OA we are told to keep it simple. Simple to me today means to look at things as they are... not to project the outcomes or see them as unbearable. When I think about food and what I am to eat today, I consider what is available. I have choices today. I don't have to eat the fatty foods. I can make wise choices today because I am not running the show... my Higher Power (whom I choose to call God) is running it! He tells me what is good for me and what is not. To give you a for instance, I have always loved pecan pie. It is my favorite! This would be something I would never do without eating, no matter what the holiday. This year I tried a bite of it and let me tell you... it didn't taste as good as I remembered. Maybe the pie was bad (that is what my head would tell me). The reality of it is that God has changed my desires. I no longer like sweet foods as well. One bite was MORE than enough! Now, let me tell you... that was God's doing, not mine!

As you think about keeping it simple today, think of the things that you make bigger than they are. For instance, do you try to predict what others will say when you make comments? How about when you eat something you shouldn't, do you try to justify it? Keeping it simple would just be to not do it. Or as the other slogan says.... Just say NO!

Have a great day. See ya tomorrow with another slogan for you.

Welcome to my site

2005-11-23T10:12:00.000-05:00

Hi, my name is Cindy and I am a compulsive overeater. To get started, I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I am married, with older children (over ages 25), live in WV on a farm. I have dogs, cats, and birds as pets and we raise chickens.

I have been in OA since July 2005, but am not new to the 12-step programs. I was in Al-Anon years ago, but as my sponsor would say... I thought I had graduated, so I left the program after 6 years. Even though I left, I remembered the steps and used them in my life. However, one thing I have learned through this time is that if you are not going to meetings and working the steps on a daily basis, you will lose what you had. That is what happened to me. I lost my serenity and found that I was again drowning in fear, self-hate and doubt.

The thing that brought me back to the 12-steps was the fear of death. I was told that if I didn't change my ways, I would be dead in a few years due to illnesses caused by my weight. I now have cirrhosis of the liver, arthritus throughout my body, curvature of the spin, and all those other things that fat tends to bring your way. Diabetes runs in my family, so I am sure if things don't change, that will be coming soon. Well, I decided to do something about my weight. I knew that I could not do it on my own. I needed help. So, I started looking for a plan of eating (and living) that I could live with on a daily basis.

The first thing I remembered was about an Al-Anon friend who I had seen join OA. She lost so much weight that I was totally amazed. I wanted what she had. So I called her and we connected. I started attending online meetings because there were none within my area. Then God showed me that there was a meeting here in WV. So I went to it and connected with new friends. OA is an easy program, but it isn't easy to do. I think the hardest thing for me was to let go of control of my life. I had to allow God (my Higher Power) to take over the reigns and do as He directed. When He controls my day, my food eating is good. I don't overeat or eat the wrong things. If I do eat the wrong things, they don't taste as good as they used to, so I spit them out. If I am in control, chaos reigns. I find stressful situations happening, anxiousness comes back into my life, and just fear everywhere.

I hope that this short welcome will give you just a small idea of what OA can do for you. If you want to lose weight, feel like a million bucks, and feel proud of yourself... give OA a try. It really works if you work it!